THE INCESSANT NEED TO COMMENT

Hey, all you Disney fans out there, remember that tear-jerker film – Bambi? And that famous line that his friend Thumper (a cute grey rabbit) says:

‘If you can’t say nothing nice about anyone, don’t say nothing at all!’

Everyone should write these words on their bathroom mirror with an indelible marker pen and read them out aloud every single day! Every single day!

This blog is about the fact that virtually everyone (and of course there are a few exceptions) has the incessant need to always comment about literally everything. Our favorite topic is the weather because it is never right! It’s too hot, too cold, too wet, too windy – you begin to wonder why other people never say – ‘oh what a perfect day!’ Is the reason that it’s too positive?

Transport is too busy, too crowded, too late and so it goes on. But the thing that is really troubling me at the moment is this incessant need to make really shitty and horrid comments on social media. Get a life and do something more positive. Yes, we all love to ‘like and comment’ and do it incessantly, but to me there is no justifiable reason why you then have to launch into people about their own personal lives.

A good example this week was a friend of mine, who just happens to be gay, posted a photo of his wedding several years ago and made the (loving) comment that he had no regrets and was still as happy today as he was then. Pretty normal don’t you agree? Sexual preference is accepted almost globally. What happened next was downright disgusting, all these petty, small-minded people made the most awful comments. Even though I fully accept that some religions frown upon ‘same sex relationships and marriages’ basically everyone else has accepted this. What annoys me the most is the people who feel the need to quote from the Bible – and come on let’s face it, this is a 2000-year-old book – and often the quotes are not entirely correct either. I certainly don’t remember myself that Jesus condemned this topic, on the contrary he preached about ‘loving everyone equally’ – remember ‘love thy neighbor’ etc. 

A basic rule is, treat others how you want to be treated yourself. Remember Thumper’s words. If all you can say is negative or make a horrid cutting remark, then just shut up!

Another story I heard was on one the recent hot perfect summer days, a mother collecting her child from school received a remark about her choice of clothing. Yes, nearly 30oC and it is perfectly ok to have more skin showing than normal. A lady from Somalia wearing about three tablecloths, sissed and commented: ‘This is a school, not a whore house!’ Well lady, get this; this is The Netherlands, a free and democratic land. You are here for a reason and you have been accepted into our society, so just shut up. It may not be your norm, but we don’t comment about the fact that you cover yourself from head to toe, even when the temperatures are really hot. It is expected that if you choose to live here for whatever reason, then please adapt yourself to our ways and culture. If you don’t and can’t then please just go home. If we are in your country, we are expected to adapt ourselves to your rules.

And this is what I mean. It doesn’t matter what the subject matter is, everyone feels the incessant need to comment about absolutely everything.

Another thing that happened this week was to someone who forgot to wear a mask in the supermarket. After being snapped at by the cashier, she remarked: well, you can always say you have some deadly illness. The person remarked, well actually I do; I have terminal lung cancer. Just imagine the red face and the feeling that she wished she had shut up. Very embarrassing. Would you like to change places? And anyway, a few days later it was announced by our PM that wearing masks will end on the 26th of this month. So, what the hell?

It doesn’t matter whatever the subject matter is, we as humans want to express our opinion, which is perfectly ok, as long as it is something positive and something which contributes to the subject. Slagging it off, being horrid, bitchy or downright rude is a no-no!

If you can’t say nothing nice about anyone don’t say nothing at all. Remember?

Maybe you would be better off paying more attention to your own life and perhaps your own shortcomings? Make a better, more loving, kinder version of yourself? Someone who is more positive, or do you prefer to remain stuck in the old 3D mud and carp on about absolutely everything?

A well-known friend of mine told me this week that the news is about to break about the end of his marriage. This is painful enough, especially when young children are involved and I remarked to him that he should hold his head high, stand by his (or her) decision and not read all the thousands of comments which are bound to appear. It is fodder really for the journalist world, the fans and the never-ending speculation about the why’s and where-fore’s and then not to mention that ‘the hunt’ will be on to be his next partner! I can almost imagine now what will appear and the blame will be shunted from side to side about whose fault it is.

I suppose really that social media is to blame. We all seem to have copious amounts of time to be online, we don’t have anything else or better to do than be scrolling, liking, commenting and so it goes on. Does anyone out there remember the times pre-Wi-Fi and smartphones or tablets. We just had a landline phone at the house. Of course, it is all very innovative and extremely handy to be online 24/7 but maybe once in a while we should just turn the whole damned thing off. Just be ourselves and do something completely different.

A friend of mine who will be running a new online workshop next week said something which really resonated with me about liking posts: He said, maybe the thing you should be liking the most, is your own reflection in the mirror every morning. Now, that is food for thought, isn’t it? Do you ever stop and do that? Never I bet. Maybe you should and remember the way you start your day, sets the pattern for the remainder of the day as well. If you wake up, grab your smartphone and start bitching online, it will go on all day and nothing will go right. Everyone will join in the energy wave and you will go to bed exhausted later that day. Maybe set the alarm earlier and do a small calming meditation before you jump out of bed to get into the rat race? 

Please remember that some comments are really awful and very hurtful and people can become very depressed by the never ending stream of nonsense. We all want to be liked but we should all remember, practice what you preach. Treat others how you want to be treated too. Not that much to ask is it?

TATTOO THESE WORDS INTO YOUR MIND:

IF YOU CAN’T SAY NOTHING NICE ABOUT SOMEONE, DON’T SAY NOTHING AT ALL!!!!

IMAGES: Alamy Stock Photo and Google

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Jill Kramer

Hi! I'm Jill and I'm a passionate author of books, short stories, columns and blogs.

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