FRIENDSHIP

For the past couple of weeks, I have been engrossed in (and admittedly binge watched!) the mega series – A Million Little Things on Videoland. A very detailed story about a group of friends (8). The men meet each other in a lift which gets stuck, and they spend several hours with one another deliberating over life in general. They discover their mutual love of ice hockey in Boston, where the series is set, and agree to buy season tickets and go and watch the matches together.

In the first episode, one of them, a supposedly happily married, influential business and family man commits suicide. The remaining three men are totally shocked as to why and so the story begins. Sorry not being a ‘spoiler’ but this does actually happen in the first episode. But the story continues on over the years and the overriding theme is ‘friendship’.

So, what does friendship actually mean to you, to me or anyone for that matter?

As youngsters the majority of our friends are school, college or university ones. But as we grow older and have partners the friendship group continually changes. Of course, if you are like me, you have friends from your childhood years, and these are without any doubt ‘soul friendships’ because they are still just as intense all these years later. Even past-life friendships.

Good, true friends are priceless. And be aware of that and cherish them. During life’s different phases people come and go. Sadly. we lose some as well to death.

If I asked you how many true friends do you have? What would your answer be?

Maybe, you can count them on one hand. I am not talking here about casual friendships, which we all have but true friends who you know you can totally depend on, whatever and whenever! There is a big difference isn’t there?

A Million Little Things is a great title for this drama because over the years of their friendship, literally a million little things happen to them all. But no matter what, they all remain friends through thick and thin and are an example to us all. Even though this is a fictional series.

It made me think about my own life and truthfully the real friends can be counted on one hand, maybe two at a stretch. One of my oldest friends is from my early school days and another from the first job I had.

It may be hard to make the distinction to what is often referred to as a ‘fair weather friend’. These are people who often come under the heading as a friend, but only when it suits them. True friends are those who you can depend on totally – from both sides – the people you can call, if necessary, at all hours of the day and night for help. No matter what.

The series was a long-haul watch, but so worthwhile. I won’t spoil anymore of the story, but just highly recommend it!

It definitely gives you something to think about, especially as you get older. Who are the ones you can totally depend on? The ears that listen to you whatever you encounter. For advice, for comfort, for just only listening. All qualities of a true friend.

And another, oh so important quality – honesty. Not just someone who says what they think you want to hear. Sometimes the brutal truth is worth so much more than a ‘nodding’ agreement. Some friendships can suddenly end without a reason. Or at least one that you can comprehend. If this happens, it means when you know you are in the right, that you are being a so-called ‘mirror’ to their issues and not yours.

Often intense criticism (just or unjust) is such a sign. Sure, you can be critical but be kind. Some criticism is very painful. Basically, think before you speak. There are so many ways to make a sentence. True!

I hope that this has given all of you something to reflect on. Yes?

Huge shout-out to the producers and actors in this series because they covered so many real-life important topics. From birth to death, from health to illness, pandemics, business, and private lives, from weddings to partners and even sexual preference. This series had got it all. A real recommend!

HOW CAN YOU BEST DEAL WITH CRITICISM

No one likes to be criticized! Let’s be honest. And people do it all the time, intentionally or unintentionally. It is not nice and can be painful. I know already that the ‘new age’ spiritually inclined readers will be jumping up and down, saying that criticism is all about mirroring something back to you, your shortcomings, or faults. But my point is how do you deal with this, and I have based this blog on a personal experience.

Now just suppose the criticism becomes an accusation about something, immediately the hairs on the back of your neck will rise up and your first emotion will be hurt, offense and then anger followed by basically wishing they had never said anything at all. As I type the famous line from Walt Disney’s Bambi comes to mind when Thumper says:

‘If you can’t say nothing nice about anybody, don’t say nothing at all.’

Good advice! I have used this example before in my blogs and remember this is a children’s’ film (in other words teaching children!)

One side of criticism is that, if it is genuine and helpful, you can accept it in a much more constructive way, than when someone unjustly criticizes you. Right? The aforementioned can assist you long term to maybe take another approach, look at and do things differently and then in my mind, this is positive. And even helpful.

I don’t really want to mention all the horrible comments that appear on social media in this blog, but these are really good examples of unhelpful criticism, when the writer of the said comments thinks it is a freefall to ‘bitch on’ something alarming about someone else and virtually be very unkind. And even worse if they don’t know the person personally.

Unjust criticism is not good. Being accused of something that some random person thinks you have done wrong. Even said with the best intention is probably better left unsaid. As you all know I am a writer, and this week I was accused of doing my translation work using Google Translate. As if, come on … I found this very insulting indeed. Almost slanderous and people have been taken to court for airing such comments in public. It did make me cross, and it was unacceptable. But on reflection I could easily conclude that it was definitely untrue and said by someone who does not even know me. My advice to said person would be, shut up and go away. But you will all no doubt recall that in some bad cases people are very definitely sued in court for deformation of a person’s character. The British royals spring to mind as I write.

I also concluded that I had done a good translation job when it came to this project, but at the same time, it is not my job to ghost write or re-write someone else’s work, unless having been asked to do that. So, in this way, hurt and confusion arise and your self-confidence gets a big dent. Or does it? Are you strong enough to think that you know you did your best and maybe the whole point here is, that the original text was not good in the first place. Now that is food for thought, isn’t it? That for example the original text was badly written in the first place?

It was certainly a lesson for me, and I said outright that such comment was totally unacceptable and to stop. Saying something critical to someone is not being passed on in a loving way. On the contrary, it is insulting and better not said.

So, my thoughts today are, a couple of days later, that we all maybe should stand still and think twice before criticizing anyone. Are your comments helpful or cruel? Yes, have a think about this. Constructive comments (and read here not criticism, helps). Unkind, and definitely untrue comments do not. Simple as that.

Think before you speak. That is a good point to begin and maybe choose your words carefully. People are highly sensitive these days anyway and unkind comments or criticism is not helpful at all. The end result can even go so far that you think you never want to cross paths with this person every again. That is not the right attitude really but understandable. 

The times in which we live are supposed to be those when we are loving and kind to one another. Being constructive and helpful. Always.

I hope that this short blog helps you too if you have been unjustifiably criticized ever. Think about Thumper and what he said and remember this, is the person who said it worth it?

Should you give their comment any attention or literally brush it to one side and think, well if that is what they think it is their problem. Not easy, but I feel you can do it if you have the gut feeling that is unkind, untrue, or downright rude (this made me think of Miranda Hart, a very funny English comedian, who often says: ‘Rude!’)

STRONG WOMEN

I think Miley Cyrus’s song: I can buy myself flowers, was a gamechanger for many women.

It was they say, a song aimed at her disappointment in her marriage with Liam Hemsworth, because after all the whole world knew that he had a problem keeping a certain body part in his trousers and was terribly unfaithful to her during their short marriage. You may think what you like but I thought the song was a strong statement to women and to tell us that we can do things on our own.

I put it to the test myself last summer when I went out for lunch by myself at a local restaurant, and afterwards wandered around the Ibiza market. I was perfectly fine, and it was the steppingstone to doing more things on my own. I can! 

This forthcoming Christmas Eve I am off to Rotterdam to a Christmas Proms Concert with the Rotterdam Philharmonic Orchestra. I have been trying to take my family to something like that and everyone did not want to do, and it reminded me of Saturday mornings as a girl, my parents taking me to the Royal Festival Hall in London for a concert, followed by an educational afternoon in London. At the time I seem to remember I thought it was a bit boring, but it was the laying of the foundations of my love for classical music and what better way to start the Holiday Season that floating away in your mind on the notes of orchestral music. I told my friends I am going and many asked ‘alone’? Er yes, I replied. A strong women can take herself to a restaurant on her own, to the cinema, to a concert. It is a sign of being more than comfortable on your own and I think a sign of strength. I actually saw a quote on the socials similar to this! Signs, right?

I think I never ever anticipated being on my own at my age. Just thought like would go on in retirement finally having the time to do the things we had put off for years. When someone suddenly is told that they have a life-threatening illness, it all becomes serious, and you realize that being on your own is something that is going happen a lot faster than you thought.

After the initial grief, and going through the process, I have to say that as far as I was concerned that I felt it was a relief. Not for me but for my partner. The suffering, anger, frustration, pain, sorrow, and the idea of having to leave his family behind (which was awful by the way). But I felt a strange feeling of relief and told my GP so when I saw him a few weeks later. He understood as many of you will who have been through a similar process.

Watching and waiting for life to end is a horrible process for the person in the main but for the family too. Of course, any death, sudden or otherwise is a process of grief. A girlfriend of mine who suddenly lost her brother-in-law, told me that I knew nothing about death! Er … what I replied of course I do, but she thought it was different and needless to say, said friendship fizzled out pretty damn fast. Not only about that but for a lot of other reasons too and it is very true that you find out who your real friends are.

But I was the one, knowing that life does go on, and with Christmas approaching I was off to buy a tree (a real one) for the first time in years. Having constantly been up against someone who would not have needles dropping in the house. I had my first real one and decorated it with Christmas music playing in the background. This doesn’t mean that I am cold-hearted, I just knew that survival meant picking up the threads and making the best of things under the circumstances.

A few months later quite by chance I found a folder in my letter box about learning to play Bridge and immediately another memory back to my father who played avidly when he worked in Paris. I went to join and truly believed that I would never ever learn all the rules, but amazingly so and now I play weekly, and this introduced me into a large circle of people as well.

Believe me sitting in your house feeling sorry for yourself does not work long term. Of course, I am not saying that the day after a funeral you have to be partying in a night club somewhere, but it is all about having the strength to pick up the threads and move forward.

It has been two years since he passed and looking back on the two years, I can truly say that I have done such a lot. I re-found my strength. I found yes, I was able to ‘buy myself flowers’, ‘write my name in the sand’, ‘talk to myself for hours’, take myself dancing, ‘hold my own hand’, and the most important part of the song ‘I can love myself, better than anyone can’.

Now there’s a phrase, love myself? Is that the ego talking. No. It is saying that if you are able to love yourself and believe me a lot of people have problems with this, that you will then project an energy of love for others. If you feel confident with yourself and happy, you will pass on the same vibe to others.

I feel confident getting in my car in a few days, driving to Rotterdam, parking in a garage, and going to a concert. I can think of nothing more lovely than starting the Festive Season this way. You can book literally everything online these days, including a reserved parking space so it is so easy. All it takes is gumption and the self-confidence to do it. And the point is you have to. No one wants to be alone and lonely, sitting at home, surrounded by a permanent cloud of misery. Do they? You can have your memories but make them happy ones to look back on and most of all remember that a true show of strength is that you can get out and get on with things on your own. One of the things I found most confronting was that I did not know how to fix things, so I got help. The garden is large and a lot of work but get help. Organize a family BBQ and ask them to come early and do the gardening first. It is not a sign of weakness asking for help. On the contrary, it is being honest not only with yourself but with others and what is wrong with asking.

So, on this note. Remember one thing. Be strong. Dare to be strong and dare to do things yourself. People are impressed they really are and let any comments (negative) just flow in and out of your mind. 

Wishing all my readers and followers a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful sparking New Year. 2024 adds up to 8 which is the number for Love. Now who doesn’t want that in the New Year? Love!

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

So, we have all made it! The final weekend of 2023 and I wonder how many of you are spending this weekend, reflecting back on the year which is about to end. We all do it. And the more so, the older you get. The range of emotions which come up as you look back can range from anything. From joy, gratitude, loving, happy, healthy, to sorrow, grief, regret, pain, and so on.

How many of you are making the famous New Year resolutions. I don’t anymore. Why? Because in the main, the majority have long flown out of the window by the second week of the month. Yes, there are of course always things that I think I would like to do, but why make it even harder after the Christmas festivities (and I think for the majority of us: overindulging) then why want to start the life-changing diet on New Year’s Day. Probably like me your fridges and cupboards are still full of over-buying for Christmas. Certainly, all my shopping I did online but having to go into the supermarket for the one thing I had forgotten (spring onions), reminded me big-time of how chaotic the shops are, and you begin to wonder if people think if they are ever opening again. I cannot give any sensible reason why we all do this, go overboard, but we do……

So here I am at the end of this year, which in the main has been very good for me. I have achieved and done a lot. Some projects lost; others gained. Formed new friendships, lost others. Been confronted a few times with death, old school friends, other friends and of course the people we all know from television, music or theatres and concerts. And there have been a lot. There always are as the socials depressingly remind us, every year, about the people lost in 2023.

Younger people will maybe not be reflecting on the year gone by, more planning the fantastic NYE party and fireworks. It is a tradition here and no matter how desperate the economy is, hundreds and thousands of Euros worth will be lit and send up into the sky. I used to buy when my own children were younger, but now it is virtually banned everywhere I was surprised to see major traffic jams yesterday of people buying just across the border in Germany. Spending a small fortune, because ‘hey it’s tradition, isn’t it? And hope that they don’t get stopped by the police at the border. Hospitals are preparing for the storm of firework victims. Strange but it is so. I usually watch the ones from London, across the Thames on BBC, best view ever in the comfort of your own home.

It has never been my favorite night of the year. Ever since I was a child to be honest. In England they did not used to have fireworks, this was more a tradition on the 5th of November remembering when Guy Fawkes tried to blow up the House of Parliament and failed. Sadly, many may say today seeing what a farce our governments are, at home and abroad.

How has your year been? Can you look back and reflect positively or negatively. Obviously, it is going to be a mix of the two. I think for me, things that were very positive were the travel trips I made, the new contacts I encountered, the fact that I finally mastered all the rules of Bridge and now play weekly. The work I did, the books I translated, my own writing. The meeting to inspire my new book (the sequel to A Second Chance) and a magical meeting with the Friesian horses, during my trip in September. A new car (albeit that it was badly damaged in the storm at the end of October). It had to go into repair and quite by chance I picked up it this morning, all bright and shiny new once more. It is little things like this that make a year positive. Of course, there have been bumps, dents and bruises at some stages, but they have passed now, and I really feel there is no point looking back in any other way than that it was an important lesson. An example: after nearly two decades or working with someone and many of you reading this will know exactly who I mean, without me mentioning any names and suddenly, a disagreement, and then making the choice, which I did, to walk away. I have sort of got to that stage in my life that sometimes walking away or severing the cord is the best for me. And I do it, without regret. I am not saying it is easy because it does hurt sometimes, but it is the best long term. Sometimes over the years friendships and such like become toxic and often you plod on thinking, we have known each other for so long, and basically going against your intuition when it no longer feels right.  Without realizing that in the main it is better to move on.

I am grateful for 2023. For the things I learned. The things I saw and did. The places I visited. The friends I have and most important of all, my own close family. The joy on the faces of my granddaughters at birthdays, and Christmas. The birthday parties we have in my garden.

The funny things they say. When my family were growing up my own parents lived too far away to see them regularly and I see now how grateful I am that I can pop round any time.

The more negative things in 2023, are done and dusted. Literally. Without any doubt important life lessons for sure, but no regrets. 

In a few days stepping into 2024 (the numbers add up to an 8) and this is the connection to love. What the world really needs right now. Much more love, tolerance, and compassion towards one another. 

Thank you to all of you who read my blogs during the course of the year. I wish you all a very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year. Try next year to be honest and realistic with yourself. It makes things so much easier. When things don’t feel right, make a choice (we all have the right to make a choice) and then one which is for you. Don’t make impossible resolutions and then end up depressed during the second week of January, because you couldn’t keep them going. Do it at another time of the year. January is a long wintry month, after the full-on December month. We have all overspent and need to tighten our belts.

Be positive, enjoy the simple things in life. Get out into nature, talk a walk. Go to a movie, or a concert. That was something else I really enjoyed just before Christmas, a classical Christmas Proms concert!

Clear out the cupboards, donate the excess of food to the people who don’t have any. Clear out your wardrobes of things you no longer wear and take it to the Charity Shop. Declutter your possessions and your mind.

And remember love yourself. This is not an ego thing. If you can love yourself, you radiate love to others like ripples on a pond.

Look into a mirror and say to yourself this is going to be the year when I …….. (fill in this bit yourself).

SEVERING THE CORD

A very wise friend of mine wrote on this subject so I will start this blog using some of her words: (with grateful thanks)

But first of all, what does ‘severing the cord’ really mean?

Basically, in our lives we often and regularly make ‘connections’ with other people. This can be in all walks of life. From family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues etc.

Usually in the beginning you are very enthusiastic about the connection. You know almost instinctively that your paths have crossed for a reason. It can be the beginning of a short or a very long connection. Sometimes life-long. As a little bit of an exception to this are the connections we make within our families. Firstly, our parents, grandparents, and siblings as well as cousins, aunts, and uncles. These are so-called blood connections, but it doesn’t always say that these almost bonded connections will last forever.

In my blog I want to talk about a connection I made myself with a person. Quite by chance a meeting somewhere and an almost instantaneous form of recognition. I knew afterwards I just knew that I had to meet this person again. It was definitely not a romantic connection, just in case you are wondering, more a past-life connection.

And that is exactly what happened, a second, third, fourth meeting and suddenly lives are entwined. The cord is connected but what happens when you suddenly realize that you now have to sever that cord. That connection that felt so right for such a long time, but suddenly it feels toxic and wrong.

This is what my wise friend wrote:

If there is one thing that I have learnt in the past year, it’s better to say goodbye in love than in anger or even revenge. Let me put it another way: I am not saying goodbye, but I am just leaving it where it belongs; in the past. Basically, I understand it, but the person that I am feels sad because it’s never nice if you don’t understand and only listen to the many stories that the ego makes up to give it a reason. Sometimes there isn’t any tangible reason, but life just follows another path. So, just leave one another whole. The bruise on the ego will heal again, the wound in the heart knows the blessing of time and the soul doesn’t have any opinion other than love.

Soft love because you are able to look way beyond all the fuss. I even place all the sadness into the hands of God. Because God has a bigger brain than I do, and I whisper a soft prayer ‘open new paths for me that bless the path which has been walked’.

Do you know why? If you go to bed feeling angry and your soul releases your body in a sleeping packaging, then you don’t want to saddle yourself in the angry dreams of the lower frequencies, do you? A person is a bit like an iPhone, the majority of updates are uploaded in the night. Walk on courageously, be wise and stay within your own wisdom.

So just a thought that I would like to share. Not as a ‘must’ or a ‘have to learn’ idea but just to inspire to leave one another whole. There is enough anger in the world isn’t there?

© Patty Harpenau

And yes, how true is this? It is not easy because of course you have to deal with all sorts of powerful emotions like rejection, anger, hurt, sadness, non-comprehension and so on.

This is exactly what I experienced. After a huge number of years and a serious almost business-like connection, pushed aside without a reason. Or I should really say, pushed aside with excuses (and even lies).

It was the words of my friend that gave me clarity. It doesn’t matter who you believe in or what your religion is, the name God only refers to a higher energy.

Why would you keep punishing yourself and keep the energy going in a connection which has just extinguished. By you or by them.

It is not easy believe you me, because the thoughts keep running around your mind, but there is a certain moment when you can pick up a very strong pair of scissors and literally cut the connection. When I did this, I felt a huge burden fall from my shoulders and I was reminded of one of my grandmother’s favorite sayings” ‘never be a doormat’!

A few days later I felt so much lighter and noticed that my thoughts had cleared. It no longer seemed important, and I wondered why I had actually spent so much time thinking about this in the first place. 

The world is a strange place at the moment, we can all agree on that, and that it is why it is so important to take steps to sever any connection which no longer feels right, and this applies to all walks of life.

Just ask yourself why would you keep battling on with a lost cause? Why would you choose to keep bashing your head against a brick wall? Not literally of course, this is just a saying. It means really why would you keep punishing yourself so harshly?

If you can accept it and let it go (and really do that) then you will suddenly find that a new door opens, one which you never could have imagined would. Offering new insights, new connections and the energy immediately begins to flow. There is no point whatsoever keep on standing still in a bad connection because you almost feel obliged to do so. It is as my friend wrote, much better to let it go and to leave one another whole. Revenge, bad thoughts, bad karma, it doesn’t matter. The other person will eventually be confronted with their actions or not. The universe moves as they say, sometimes in very mysterious ways. The most important thing is that you (or I in this case) walk away with pure thoughts and releasing with love. 

Nothing else matters.

Wanneer is de klant werkelijk koning or koningin?

Is het waar dat tegenwoordig wij als klanten de ‘koning’ or ‘koningin’ zijn? Helaas niet vaak is mijn ervaring. Het lijkt alsof tegenwoordig dat het men totaal niet kan schelen hoe je klanten  wel of niet behandelen.

En natuurlijk heb ik een voorbeeld: Ik ben een fan van de Ibiza Markten en deze zomer hebben er een aantal plaatsgevonden vlakbij waar ik woon. De eerste was in Stellendam en ik ging lekker lunchen bij Basta (mijn favoriet restaurant) op dit moment en langs te markt. Ik kocht een paar ‘hebben’ dingen en een hele mooie jurk. ‘One size fits all’ werd en gezegd en inderdaad het klopt. Ik was zo enthousiast dat ik had afgesproken om met mijn familie naar de markt de gaan bij Brunotti Beach Club in Oostvoorne. Heerlijk lunch gehad en langs alle kramen gelopen en ik zag nog een jurk, echter mijn ding, turkoois en crèmekleurig met glitters in het stof. Ik heb betaald met de pin (tikkie) en was superblij. Bij het thuiskomen was de gezegde ‘one size fits all’ helaas niet zo. De jurk was zo nauw dat ik kreeg het niet aan. En wat dan, gekocht op de markt en hoe verder. (zie fotos).

Ik heb contact opgenomen met de organisator van de Ibiza markt een superaardig vrouw, Vanessa die wat vragen had. Welke jurk, hoe ziet het eruit, hoe duur, en waar heb je het gekocht. Dat allemaal teruggestuurd en afgesproken dat ik met de jurk naar de volgende markt zou komen in Dinteloord. Helaas was dit niet mogelijk voor mij om dat ik precies op die ochtend mijn hond moest laten inslapen en mijn gedachten van verdriet waren op dat moment niet bij markten of jurken.

Nogmaals contact gehad met Vanessa en afgesproken dat ik afgelopen vrijdag 6 augustus 2023 naar de laatste markt van het seizoen zou komen, wederom in Oostvoorne en bij aankomst ‘vragen waar ze was’?

Gevonden natuurlijk en wij kwamen achter dat deze kraamhoudster (Mood22 uit Noordwijk) was niet komen opdagen, ze hadden geen zin en had min of meer niet voldoende afgezegd bij de organisatie. Niet erg beleefd zou je zeggen!

Vanessa wist ook geen raad meer en gaf me informatie, telefoonnummers, e-mails, website enz. van Mood 22 uit Noordwijk. Dit is gewoon een winkel in Noordwijk!

Eind van dezelfde middag kwam ik in contact met een of andere Sjul en via WhatsApp heb ik alles uitgelegd en gezegd wat mijn probleem was. Nou, jammer dan mevrouw je had het moeten ruilen binnen 14 dagen en wij kunnen niets meer voor je betekenen! Ruilen waar dan?

Ik vroeg waarom ze niet naar de markt was gekomen maar ik werd afgesnauwd met de woorden, dat zij hoeft geen verantwoording aan mij af te leggen en jahoor, dat is juist, het was een vraag. Meer niet!

Het komt hierop neer, ze zijn blij om je geld aan te nemen voor een jurk (of product) maar verlenen daarna nul komma nul service. 

In totaal heb ik op de markten diverse jurken gekocht maar nooit problemen gehad.

Een heel vriendelijk meisje van een andere kraam vertelde dat zij ook de jurken hadden  verkocht en ja, Italiaanse merk, en die vallen heel klein. Ze hadden de jurk ook nog, maar die was inmiddels afgeprijsd voor de helft (i.v.m. eind van het seizoen). Logisch.

Zou je niet kunnen denken dat het moment dat ik stond te betalen bij Mood 22 (Sjul or Joy) de naam weet ik niet meer, dan ze hadden kunnen zeggen, kijkend naar mijn mate, ‘pas op dit model valt klein!’ Dat wisten ze wel. Nee, natuurlijk niet het gaat alleen over verkopen, geld ontvangen en nihil service richting de klanten.

Hier zijn de gegevens van Mood22 als je ook slachtoffer bent geweest net zoals ik van een miskoop.

Mood22 (dameskledingzaak)

Molenstraat 16

2201 KZ Noordwijk

info@mood22.nl

0616028592

Info@byshulz.com

0653914193

Mood22 is ook op Facebook!

Eerst werd gezegd in de WhatsApp ‘ruilen is niet mogelijk’ en later ‘ruien moet binnen 14 dagen’ (ik citeer uit haar eigen woorden).

Nou Mood22 ‘even in de spotlight’, hoe klantonvriendelijk jullie zijn. Dit was een jurk van Euro 74,95 (terwijl andere jurken op de Ibiza markt aanzienlijk goedkoper zijn en nog zo mooi).

Ik hoop dat mijn pad nooit meer met die van jullie ooit zou kruisen.

Stelletje idioten! Nogmaals de klant is altijd ‘koning’ or ‘koningin’. 

Tenslotte wil ik geen enkele kritiek richting Vanessa van Ibiza Markt. Zij was heel aardig en probeerde mij enorm te helpen. Ik hoop dat ze volgende jaar denkt: Mood22 nodigen wij niet meer uit. Maar daar ga ik niet over!

WARNING ! 

A LOT OF REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER THINK OF BUYING AN EMMA BED!!

It was just after Christmas 2022 and the 4th January 2023 when I saw an advertisement for a complete EMMA BED (limited Orange Edition). The offer comprised of the bed frame (metal), the mattress, two pillows, a duvet and bed linen. Very special offer, you know the type ‘hurry whilst stocks last’ and as I needed a new bed for the spare room, I placed my order. Thank God in retrospect I choose for payment with Klarna in three installments.

Huge savings, normal price Euro 1885,71 with savings of Euro 1000, so it was going to cost Euro 885,71. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Almost too good to be true. And that was certainly the case!

As I write this blog, now the19th July 2023, more than a half year later, I can tell you this. 

In retrospect the advertisement was misleading, because in the main, EMMA did not have any stocks. It has taken months for all the parcels to be delivered and I had to personally chase up the final one, which had been just dumped at  totally different address.

Apart from the fact that EMMA are, in my opinion, totally useless, the delivery people they use may even be worse. These days, courier services like GLS, DPD and sadly even DHL have dreadful drivers who have one criteria when they deliver. As quick as possible, lack of attention, signatures that are made by them on delivery and its awful to say, usually by people who don’t or can’t even speak Dutch (I live in The Netherlands). 

With the increasing demand for online shopping caused mainly by the Corona crisis, companies found that they had to go to all lengths to find delivery companies and the service we had a while ago, is certainly not the case now. I will give you another example. I recently ordered a new kitchen dinner service which was going to be delivered by one of the aforementioned companies and I opened my front door as I had heard the van drive up and the delivery man literally dropped my parcel about 5 meters from the front door! Of course, I had to say something, seeing as the parcel was marked ‘fragile’ warning him that if anything was broken, he was on my camera surveillance! They don’t care of course and off he went.

But back to the Emma fiasco.

Thank goodness that I opted for the Klarna 3 installment option as I had paid only one installment and, in the meantime, have sent a load of emails to EMMA about where is the rest of the bed? ‘Ah, yes, sorry stock problems, we hope to get you delivery to you asap!’

To my mind asap is not 6 months. As I said in the beginning, this was a misleading advert because in actual fact they did not have any stock to send.

EMMA is by the way a German company located in Frankfurt.

I communicated with Klarna about this matter, and they stopped the payment plan until the matter is resolved, which I feel isn’t even now. I may have finally had all the parcels, which have been in boxes in my spare bedroom for months waiting for the final one to arrive (the mattress), so just imagine if I had needed this spare bed earlier than July??

I have complained to EMMA about their abdominal service and asked what are you going to do about this? The payment is still on hold, and I couldn’t believe it when I received an email this week. The usual blah blah about yes, they could understand my frustration (and that is putting it mildly believe you me!) and they were offering a Euro 60 compensation payment which will only be paid when everything is resolved. Read here when they have received the rest of the payment. That is downright insulting, Euro 60 comes down to Euro 10 a month for all that inconvenience.

I think that they should cancel one of the two outstanding payments for all the hassle I have had with them. The time I have spent writing emails and also actually chasing the final parcel which had been dumped by the courier at some camping on the island where I live. The fact that there is an address label with my details on and phone number, seems irrelevant, it’s a shame because they probably cannot read it anyway. Had a similar experience last week with a parcel from Amazon delivered by DHL and put in front of my gate at the end of the driveway where anyone could have picked it up and taken it without me knowing. Honestly, I give up.

I have spoken to Klarna in the chat and basically, they agree with me that this is very bad service, and it has taken far too long for the order to arrive.

It goes without saying that of course I will pay for the goods I order but this was diabolical, and it has taken half a year to fulfil my order!!

So be warned! Even though you may think: ‘wow what a good offer’, please realize that it will probably take months before you get it. Never ever pay in advance (just in case) and I do use Klarna a lot knowing that no payment is made until the product (s) have arrived and are OK.

We are faced at the moment with a lot of advertisements on all media which also include the ‘drop shippers. People running companies where they offer products at  prices which seem like a good deal but in fact are all coming from China and from Ali Express/Wish and such like. And then compare said prices yourself. Something you may pay Euro 30 for actually costs Euro 3 and these shippers are making huge profits across our backs. Personally, I think this should be made illegal, because for one thing there is always an issue with quality. Obviously because how can you expect a product which costs Euro 3 to be good? Yes, some might be but not all.

So, my issue with EMMA is still unsolved. I have written yet another email to Mostafa saying that the compensation was insulting and come up with a better deal. No doubt, because he has done this before, he will ramble on about company policy (boring) and that will be all.

I wish I had never ordered this bed to be honest. Every time I see the packages up in my spare room, it makes my blood boil and then I have to smile when I think about the promises EMMA make saying: ‘if you buy an EMMA product like a mattress, have a free trial for 100 days and if not satisfied, full refund and return’. They must be joking; you would be extremely lucky if you have even received the product in 100 days.

Don’t say you haven’t been warned!

DOES REACTION PROVOKE ACTION OR VICE-VERSA?

Interesting theory depending on which context you think about this. You know that if you react to something, whatever it is that you are more than likely to provoke a reaction.

As I was about to start this blog, a quote came up on my phone which I think is quite relevant, from Eckhart Tolle: He says: “Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable about not knowing”. 

Hmm, true in a lot of cases.

My example today was going to be about a rather nasty email I received from someone over the weekend, and I suppose I must blame myself for provoking the reaction. I did not understand what was going on and said this in an email and to be honest I am a bit tired of the initiative always having to come from me in the first place. The last contact was in the winter of 2022, a birthday message from me to them, pretty normal you would think and despite the invitation to pop in for a cuppa, I declined as a thick November fog/mist was in my area and not exactly the day to get in the car and drive an hour just for a cuppa.  I thanked them for the invite and explained the weather situation.

From that moment on, heard nothing more.  I don’t understand and yes of course you are probably thinking I could have messaged, rung up or whatever, but why does the initiative always have to come from me. That is something I have noticed a lot recently that I am always the one sending messages etc.

So, as it is now 6 months later, I decided to send an email asking if I had done something wrong? It surprised me that after 20 odd years of friendship that there had been silence for so long, but should my conclusion be that the said friendship was over?

Yes, I know everyone is too busy now. Gone are the days when we wrote a letter, everything is digital these days and be honest, if we send an app, we almost expect an answer immediately. Yes?

I didn’t think that my email was particularly fiery and believe me I can write ones like that if I feel so inclined, more a questioning type of message. The reply I got a couple of days later, was so vile and vicious, that after one read, I binned it. Basically, it is all my fault, why I am still not sure, and I will spare you the details, but my hunch was right, the friendship has sort of fizzled out even though I was left with many questions. It was upsetting for sure, but the same day my horoscope predicted a very similar situation and told me that it was truly time to move on. And then came the thought, should I reply, or not?

Hence the title of this blog. If I had replied I would almost have been inviting a further reaction and to be honest one was enough. And I took the decision to just let it go.

Later same day I was working on some texts and came across something very similar. This is interesting and I think everyone can relate to this at the moment.

We as humans are evolving with huge rapidity. We have come out of an age where ‘suffering’ and ‘paying for your mistakes’ was a big issue. This made us all fearful and afraid of rejection. With the new age, it is not about this anymore. It is all about being your authentic self and sometimes even making yourself vulnerable. Isn’t that basically why you have friends? People you feel totally at ease with and can share your inner thoughts? I think so, maybe others don’t.

In the same email I mentioned above, I was accused of ‘lamenting’ so much about my personal situation, they felt there was no time to talk about their problems. This I thought was untrue, but hey, everyone has the right to their own opinion, but my suggestion is keeping your own opinion to yourself if it’s hurtful, it serves no purpose whatsoever to ‘reject’ another in the same way. That time is over! If we don’t realize this and keep going over the same ground again and again, we will continue to be stuck in the mud and make no growth at all.

The whole point is that we as humans and soul beings want to grow. That is why we came here and why we wanted to have the experience. As another friend of mine said: you can spend your life sitting in a chair or you can leap up and crash through all the barriers! May sound strange, but as long as you keep postponing your growth by not living your dream or desire, that is not ok.

So, what is your dream or desire? How do you achieve it? Many people ask themselves this question and try to answer from their minds and not their feelings. End result is that you may think you are in a transformation process, giving yourself a big pat on the back that you know better than the rest, but in fact you keep falling into the same pitfalls over and over again. There are no guidelines or instructions how to do this, you must feel and follow not only your heart but also your gut instinct. Don’t over complicate things but trying too hard, often just setting the intention is enough. No one has all the answers straightaway. Truly.

So, to come back to the beginning of my blog, another important thing is to realize if the people in your life, from family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues or whatever are no longer resonating with you, then you need to be brave and face up to it which is basically what Eckart Tolle says in his quote. We may all be on a journey but that doesn’t say we are at the same station or even on the same train, theoretically. Our life path is personal, and some run all the way and with success too, whilst others go at a much slower pace. Nothing is wrong or right. You just need to be true to your feeling.

SOME ADVICE ABOUT WHAT TO DO IN A CONFLICT SITUATION

It’s been a very strange week and a bit of an eye-opener to be honest one way and another. So, I will share my story with you in the hope that it might inspire you or others to look completely differently at a conflict situation.

Where I live there have been ‘problems’ with the Residents’ Association (RA) for as long as I can remember. In a mixed nationality community where language is often the biggest issue, it is so easy to create, make and remain in conflict situations, so much so at the end of several years you really can’t even remember what it was all about.

I had become so complacent about this RA that I had taken the attitude more or less, ‘oh so what let them all get on with it’ and had stopped even going to the annual meetings.

Of course, there was an awful atmosphere all the time, because all of you can remember I am sure a game we used to play as kids, called Chinese Whispers? Remember? It is telling a short sentence in a group and then whispering to the person next to you and going around until the circle is complete. A short sentence like “I have a red ball”, can often come to an end with ‘I have a purple giraffe”. This is because we all have filters not only in the way we perceive or hear something but more how we then make our own interpretation. I think basically this was what was wrong with our RA and of course language difficulties were present too. And you know how people just love to gossip! Some even thrive on it.

I had always considered myself to be a friend of one of the people who lives here and when my husband died, he was, without any doubt, absolutely a great help. After 40 years of having everything literally taken out of my hands, I was totally hopeless with any form of DIY and to be honest did not have a clue. He helped me and I was, of course, extremely grateful for the help and said that on many occasions.

Then last summer his wife suddenly started to ignore me, if I walked past, turning her back or going inside. In other words, doing absolutely everything she could to just avoid me full stop. I asked her husband several times, ‘what is the matter, is she ill’? (Actually, meaning is she going a bit dement?) And he replied that she had a communication/contact disorder! Ok I thought, so be it.

Then I spoke to him just before Christmas and then the same thing happened again, and I knew he was purposely avoiding me at all costs. He used to ‘pop in’ regularly a couple of times a week and then ‘zilch’, he never came anymore, which was OK, and I was extremely busy with a lot of things, including picking up my life alone once more and creating opportunities to meet other people, learning Bridge every week and all in all – expanding my boundaries.

So, it is now mid-March and I have neither seen or spoken to him since before Christmas which is to put it mildly a bit strange. But then came the confrontation. He was at our communal letter box, collecting mail and I was on the way out with my dog who then walked past with his lead in such a way I had to stop. And of course, seeing eyes that were literally spitting fire I asked – when are you going to be brave and tell me what the matter is? Which is a perfectly normal conversation isn’t it? I honestly wish I had never asked and untangled the dog’s lead and walked on because the conversation that then happened was just dreadful and he was shouting and swearing and accusing me of such ridiculous things, I then began to think, maybe he is becoming dement too?) He was ‘f-ing and blinding’ and in such a fit of rage he was literally shaking, and I began to realize that he is as mad as a hatter and that I should move on. It was when he brought my own daughter into the conversation and accused her too that I was so angry I thought, I must walk on before I really want to ‘clock him’ one! (Which I would not have done of course, but you know the feeling I am sure).

This resulted in a couple of sleepless nights for me, mulling over what had been said and I will tell you that if I had done anything wrong, which I hadn’t, I would be the first to say that and sorry too.

So, what next? More sleepless night and then my daughter suggested try and have a conversation. Er I don’t think so, one time in a week was more than enough, so I plucked up courage and went to have a chat with the Chairperson of our RA. 

It was not an easy conversation to start or even continue, considering the atmosphere which has been going on here for years, but I kept to the present day moment and every time anything from the past was mentioned, repeated, I did not come here to talk about the past and who did what, I came to just tell you this has happened to me and I have been unfairly accused of something I did not do and my daughter did not do either. I felt a bit threated to be honest and said so.

This conversation went on for more than an hour and I stood there firmly not getting drawn into any other subjects like ‘ he said this, he said that and so on’, just my own story and my feelings about it and I did say that I honestly felt that I had seriously misjudged my so-called friend over the years, because on reflection, he had always been involved in each and every conflict situation. And yes, come on, don’t we all know better by now? That as long as we keep dealing with one another in duality, conflict, anger, blame etc. etc., then this world is never going to improve one iota, is it?

At the end of the conversation I said, thank you for your time and for listening and she said that she thought I was extremely brave to come and talk and that it was time to let ‘bygones be bygones’, and we shook hands. We don’t have to be having coffee with one another every five minutes, but at least the end situation is, the RA know and if there are problems, I can let them know.

As I walked away and said thank you again, I came home with the feeling that a huge turning point had been reached. It has not solved the problems with the man I talked about in my story or his wife, but it is more than obvious that he is a troublemaker and always involved in any conflict situation and some of the stories are quite awful, which I won’t go into.

So, my advice what to do in a long standing, ever brewing conflict situation is this: Be brave, be courageous and take the first step. I could have had the door slammed in my face, but that did not happen (thankfully). It is in your best interests to honestly share your vulnerability and say sorry. You cannot change the past but at least you can make an effort to put the past in the past, where it belongs and agree to move forward from this NOW moment and try to improve situations which have been festering for years.

Not easy, believe me! But I think it the only way forward and I am sure that a lot of you reading this, will find yourselves in similar situations and it all ends up in unnecessary stress and sleepless nights, when you could have done things maybe differently.

Saying sorry or admitting that you were wrong is one of the hardest things to do but if you are brave and do it, it leads to respect that you were courageous and honest and apologized and took the initiative to move forward. Isn’t that the best solution then?

IS RIVIERA MAISON DE EXCLUSIEVE MERK DAT JE DENKT? er nee ..

Oh, weer een blog in het Nederlands, doe ik niet zo vaak, maar ik heb deze week zo geërgerd aan het Klantenservice van Riviera Maison en waarom? Het lijkt alsof sommige bedrijven het woord ‘klantenservice’ zijn compleet vergeten.

Ik heb twee karaffen (voor vino en aqua) en ik dacht ik fris ze even op in de vaatwasser, op eco-stand notabene.

Eindresultaat: de kleine karaf heeft geen tekst meer en de tekst op de grote is scheef op een kant. Zie foto hieronder.

Tekst scheef grote karaf en oeps geen tekst op de kleine meer!

Ik denk, ik stuur een email en bel met Klantenservice.  Krijg e.e.a. Lars (van Back Office Sales) aan de lijn en leg uit wat er aan de hand is en dat ik geen bon meer heb. ‘Oh mevrouw geen enkel probleem, dat kan niet’ zegt hij, ‘wij lossen het netjes voor je op’, en is super verbaasd (lees beledigd) als ik vraag, zijn de letters dan stickers? ‘Nee, absoluut niet’.

Ik stuur per email wat foto’s en hier komt het dan: –

Hij mailt terug om te zeggen dat hij niets voor mij kan doen zonder een koopbon en nogmaals zeg ik voor de derde keer, ik heb geen bon!!!

Intussen in de chat met RM via Messenger. Ik vind het vreemd in de eerste instantie, zegt hij zondermeer het probleem op te lossen en nu ineens, is er een probleem, (lees tussen de woorden, zij willen en kunnen niets doen).  Ja, is het probleem dat de karaffen niet zo chique zijn en exclusief als RM wil je doen geloven. Het is te gek dat de letters verdwijnen na een beurt in de vaatwasser, en ze zeggen dat ze vaatwasser bestendig zijn.

Eerlijk gezegd vind ik het ronduit belachelijk dat na heel veel heen en weer gaan, dat het op neer komt dat ze niets voor mij kunnen betekenen. Tot op gegeven moment dat ik het zo zat was, dat ik zei: ik gooi ze in de glasbak want het zijn geen goedkope producten. Geen karaffen van de ‘favoriete winkel van ons allemaal’ waar de prijzen normaal zijn! En notabene de producten best wel goed zijn, nietwaar?

Weet het niet zeker maar de prijs van de grote is Euro 34,95 en de kleine Euro 19,95. 

Exclusief: nee niet dus.

Ik vertel Lars in mijn laatste email dat ik zeer zeker een blog gaan schrijven op mijn website hierover. Wie het leest, ja, dat is niet het punt. Ik heb enorm veel volgers en mij idee is om andere te waarschuwen, kijk uit met RM-producten ze zijn niet zo geweldig als je denkt. 

Zelf heb ik een best wel grote collectie en noot problemen gehad, gelukkig want aan Klantenservice heb je geen bal.

…. Kwaliteit Uitermate teleurstellend is het toch?

Je bent dus gewaarschuwd!