Earlier this week a word cropped up in one of my other blogs and it’s been in my mind for a couple of days and I wanted to write a few more words on it.

Selfish or Selfishness. Often a word that has a lot of negativity attached to it. But is that fair?

Let’s have a look at the proper meaning first of all. The immediate reaction will be when you see the word, you think that it is something not just quite right… yes or no?

Selfish/selfishness is an adjective which means (according to the famous English Oxford Dictionary) it can relate to a person, an action or motive. Lacking consideration for other people. Chiefly for one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

Oh dear! That does sound negative doesn’t it?

But and here comes the big but, in this blog. Sometimes you have to be selfish for a reason. One of which is self-love. A lot of people will think yes, sure self-love what on earth is she talking about now. Self-love however, is something really important especially in these difficult times mainly because if you cannot love yourself, who will?

That is a question that a lot of people are thinking about right now. Especially in times we are all facing at the moment. After months of stories about viruses and the lockdown and border closures, unfortunately this Corona (or Covid 19) is resurrecting its ‘ugly head’ once more. Even though people made a really conscious effort in the early days, they are becoming very lax about it now. I actually happened to notice this, in a large teaching hospital where I was waiting for someone in the main (large) entrance hall this morning. There were 6 hand sanitizers and out of all the huge number of people who walked in and out, only a small amount used them. It was good to see a young mother, with her son, who did encourage him to take care. I actually complimented her about it. But we all did it all the time and why have we stopped? I don’t have the answers apart from the fact we have in some or other way become complacent. Now the numbers have reduced significantly on a daily basis, we seem to all think, it’s just gone away. But not true. With new lockdowns in Lisbon, Porto, Barcelona and places like Melbourne, we can conclude that we are facing the second wave.

The numbers infected in the USA are alarming to say the least and even people who radically ridiculed the idea (the President of Brazil is a fine example) is now infected himself.

Where they have been wearing masks for weeks already in Germany, they are just getting started in Belgium, and it will soon be obligatory everywhere. Here is it only obligatory in the trains, trams and buses. 

Standing in the same hallway this morning it was interesting to note that all Asian people are wearing masks and gloves! Hmmmm food for thought isn’t it?

But I diversify somewhat from my theme at the beginning. Is it OK to be a bit selfish? What do you think? Personally, for me I think putting yourself in the first place is important but not to the detriment of others. You have to respect and love yourself as a person before you can get even started with any sort of effect on others. Being selfish is not about being greedy, that is something entirely different but still the negativity around the word hangs in the air. That is the way I see it.

The reason I got thinking about this was about a comment made in one of my earlier blogs about being ‘selfish’. Thing is people will be judgmental if you are selfish, putting yourself first but if they can live with you like that, then they will also get you at your best and in that way, they deserve that as well. It is like the ‘for better and for worse’, one of the ancient marriage vows. There is always that sort of situation.

Some moments in life are good, some are better but at the same time some are bad or even worse. The thing is it is all about finding a happy medium in the middle of it.  Taking the good times and the bad too. Some days are better than others but remember this one thing and I have said it so many times over the past few weeks: ‘You cannot change the past’. We all live in the ‘here and now moment’. We do not know what tomorrow will bring.

We can only make the best of each and every moment. Postpone nothing. Follow your true passion and dreams and do what makes you happy. Don’t force yourself to stay in the rat race or even follow the herd. Be your own person, and if being selfish is part of that, then that is a bit of positivity. Others may make comments about your idea of self-love but let them, they are maybe not on the same path as you, or you’re further up the road in your development than they are. Just be your true self. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

On that note, have a great weekend everyone! It’s Summertime (well here in the Northern Hemisphere) so enjoy. Relax and make the best of things, no matter how hard you think they are. It’s all part of life’s learning curve. We all go through it. No one is an exception.

Breathe, and often when you are stressed just follow your breath for a few months. It is a very simple lesson in mindfulness. Not rocket science.

Think before you speak is a very good thing at the moment. I noticed how much ‘bitching’ there is at the moment on Social Media. Something that made me decide to delete my Twitter account a long time ago. There are just some people in life who think that they have to say something about everything. Just ignore. It’s hard I know.

As I said we are all on the path, but some people are further along the way than others!


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Jill Kramer

Hi! I'm Jill and I'm a passionate author of books, short stories, columns and blogs.

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