I am not entirely sure how this word seems to come up today, especially as I am ultra busy in the final stages of preparing to publish my latest book on the 19thJanuary 2019.
But it did, and of course it got me thinking as usual!! What does rejection mean?
Literally: The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea etc.
Now that is a bit vague, even for the English Oxford Dictionary, because to me there are so many things I can associate with this word.
The meanings can range too; from something quite innocent and perhaps insignificant. Like for instance rejecting food or drink. In other words eating or drinking something that your body rejects. It makes you ill. You might be allergic to something in it?
But today I want to look at the meaning of how it feels when you as a person feel rejected and believe me, this is not nice! (understatement).
At the moment, between loads of other things, I am taking part in a 5-day online discussion about ‘Forgiveness’ (and yes maybe I will come back to this word in another blog). A friend of mine is running it and to be honest it is bringing so much more to the surface than I really expected. I actually like taking part in online things, when they only take a small amount of time; well you think they do, when you start. But in actual fact just thinking and writing down a simple list of names (that was the first exercise yesterday) actually got me thinking a lot. Why? Well it is because often forgiveness is about something someone has done to you, or you to them and rejection. And forgiveness begins with you. I learnt that again yesterday. There is so much power behind forgiving yourself.
One thing about being rejected by someone is that you should always remember that, in the majority of cases, it is really more about them, than you. Why do people do it then, you may ask? If you could imagine that you, in this case, are just a mirror for their own issues. Yes, it can be very hard and tough to understand at the time why someone reacted you in this way but always remind yourself that it has more to do with them than you! That is important. Because it happens much more than we realize.
Now everyone will agree with me I am sure that we are living life in the very fast lane these days. Time flies by, a week starts, you have all sorts of plans and before you know it, its Friday again and have you actually even done one or two things from your list? I find this happens to me too. After a weekend, Monday comes and I do actually make lots of lists and sorry to say that not even 25% is crossed off by the end of the week. Why is that? Well, because there is always something going on, all the time, and a lot of distraction (often from social media). Even though I know that we are all very much into social media, me included, it is good every now and again to literally put your smartphone, tablet of whatever to one side and ignore it for a while. Switch it off if you prefer. I too, often find that I am in the middle of something, my phones makes a sound and I automatically pick it up. That means that I have lost my concentration.
But back to my word for this blog: Rejection
The feeling of being rejected by someone or something can be really difficult to deal with, especially when you are left with the question, which you do not know the answer to: why? It could be that someone you have considered to be a friend for a long time, suddenly does something you did not expect and pours ‘rejection’ all over you. This could mean the friendship ends, and it could if you don’t talk about it. But not everyone wants to get into a conversation about the ‘why’. So how do you deal with things like this?
Well first and foremost you and the ‘rejector’, like everyone is human. It is perfectly OK to make a mistake, we actually learn more from mistakes than anything else. But is it an excuse to actually reject someone else if you make a mistake. In other words blame someone else? The answer can only be: no. It is not right and not fair for starters! You would actually feel so much better about yourself if you were more open and actually said when and if you had made a mistake. People will appreciate you so much more.
But what if this happens to you through no fault of your own. Then I come back to my statement about being a mirror to the person who rejects you.
This subject often comes up in a lot of workshops and believe me I have done many over the years.
When it is through no fault of your own and you are rejected for whatever reason, it can stop you in your tracks. It can be painful. It can make you angry, disappointed, hurt, left with a feeling of ‘what hit me there?’ or just complete uncomprehension.
Like me use another example. Imagine if you know someone, you like them a lot, it does not really matter in what capacity: a friend, a good colleague, a family member (who you think you get on with more than others). The list can be quite long. You have a gut feeling that its mutual and then completely out of the blue, rejection! Have you ever thought that they might do that because they are not in control of their own feelings? So it is easier to take the short cut and reject. It would be so much better for them to talk about it with you and vice versa, but they don’t. It may be that it falls into the category ‘of not being the done thing’. Whatever that might be, because basically: wrong and right are just two sides to the same coin aren’t they? And think back to what I wrote about how beneficial the learning curve can be from ‘mistakes’.
Something else I can link in with this word, is this. How many people have, when buying a house, had their offer rejected or been outbid by someone else? If another offer is again rejected and you lose the house you thought was exactly right for you, you may feel just awful. Angry, sad, disappointed and so on. But how many times have you looked back, maybe years later and come to the conclusion, that the rejection at the time was terrible, but in retrospect it was the right thing. Because the house you thought was just right was not in the end, for whatever reason. This is just a simple example but it all comes back to my word again.
Makes you think doesn’t it?
One very old cliché you can think about in times of rejection is quite simple: Their loss, your gain. Sometimes it is hard to see it at the time, but in the end, when the pain has gone away, it is so true. Really, even though you may feel that they are to blame, they cannot help it really because they are literally projecting their fears, doubts and uncertainties on you! You are just the mirror.
Sometime we all need to remind ourselves of that old cliché.
You may not see it immediately but it is ‘their loss, your gain’.
Think about it.
What a lovely quote this is to put things into perspective …
QUOTE: FROM GOOGLE IMAGES DR STEVE MARBOLI