June 10th, 2021 – nearly midsummer marking the half-way point through this year and maybe you, like me, are actually wondering where the year has gone so far?
Today is an astronomical wonder day, with a new moon in Gemini and a Solar Eclipse. It unfortunately can’t be seen in all parts of the world but believe me the energetic energy from it will be definitely felt everywhere. A solar eclipse is a reset for your soul and as we are all coming out of the lockdown from the past few months, this may be a very beneficial time on a worldwide scale.
In astrology the sun represents your conscious self, in other words, how you personally radiate your light into the world with your unique light too. The moon on the other hand, is your inner world and your intuitive power.
So, when the light of the sun is eclipsed by the moon, it is almost as if you are turning out the lights for a moment. You then need to find your way in the dark and I have written many times, that even in the complete pitch blackness there is always a speck of light. Therefore, for just a moment you must make a reconnection with the parts of your soul that you may have been ignoring for a while (in the lockdown perhaps?).
Gemini (The Twins) is ruled by the planet Mercury, which is currently retrograde in its own sign. During the eclipse itself, Mercury is just 1 degree of the Sun and Moon. Interesting!
Mercury is the ruler of thoughts and all the information which comes into your conscious and unconscious mind. During this eclipse, with Mercury travelling in the center of the sun, your mind will be literally infused with new insights, new thoughts, and an upgrade of your intuition. The latter is I think quite important with the confusion which is currently underway re ‘coming out of the lockdown’ and what you may and may not do. When and how? And where?
It is quite possible today that you may see your life in a new light. A new or fresh perspective on something that may have been bothering you for some time. It also can be the end of something that you feel no longer belongs to you, almost comparable to a computer update if you like. Whatever you are experiencing right now, one thing is certain, a paradigm is waiting for you.
A whole new fresh, bright world waiting for you to experience it, if and only if you have the courage to accept change. People are saying it’s going to be spectacular. One thing is for sure the Universe itself is a marvel and you are too.
Today is all about being given a new chance. Do you accept it or not? Do you want change, if your answer is yes, today is definitely the day. Be brave and dare to declutter. A lot of us are hanging on to old fears, old ideas, old thoughts etc., which we don’t really need anymore.
The important thing today is think for yourself and do what you want as opposed to what others think or say you have to do. You are your own boss, remember that. Today is all about you and a helping hand from the Universe. Take a chance!
Today is the 5th May, so we have a triple 5 (5th day, 5th month in a 5 year – 2+0+2+1=5), and it seems a good day to write this blog.
The meaning of 555 is: ‘to stay positive and confident and aware of everything that happens in your inner being. No matter what life throws at you, the most important is your State of Being. The truth behind this is that your state of being creates your circumstances and not the other way around’.
OK then. That is pretty confronting! Last week I wrote a piece about being scammed by fake accounts on social media. This blog has been read by thousands and I so hope that everyone who did took note how vulnerable we all make ourselves on social media. This event lead also to quite an intensive contact with ScamHaters United (who were amazing and so helpful) and of course this got me thinking about something and I must share.
Seriously, we all know how many of these evil scumbags there are in the world, stealing images (photos) from people and then talking on the usual media channels, Hangouts, Telegram and WhatsApp to lure people into a false situation. We also know that every single person in this world is craving love (even the stupid scammers). But the one thing no one ever seems to talk about is the man or woman in the mirror. The person who is being just as victimized as the victims themselves, the ones who have their photos stolen in the first place.
They may have been in the front line at the gene pool for the good looks, perfect teeth, sparkling eyes etc. etc., but it is important to also realize that these people do not in any way ask for this to happen. The majority are good people, with responsible jobs, wives, husbands and family and again and again they are attacked by the scammers. Why? Well sorry I don’t know the answer to that one, just that often they live in places far away from where people live who are victimized and then there is not an easy recognition of the photos. Here before I go further a tip from ScamHaters that if you get approached by someone, check the photo! There are good apps or sites to do this like: TinEye. This is a reverse image search and surely the very least commonsense is to do this, takes literally seconds and could spare you a lot of wasted time and even worse a lot of heartache.
And not to mention out of respect for the person whose images have been stolen in the first place. COMMONSENSE!
One of these people who is frequently used in scams is Thomas Lindegaard Madsen, who just happens to be an acquaintance of mine as well. A high-ranking captain in a well-known company who spends his already busy days, ensuring that cargo is delivered to many ports around the world. Do you seriously think that he has the time to be contacting women anywhere and even more ridiculous asking them for money? COMMONSENSE!
He is not for sure and has been outspoken himself on the ScamHaters site, telling people that he is gay and happily married. He is away a lot but when at home, wants to be left alone to enjoy his free time with his family and friends. Think about that. I have reported so many accounts on Instagram of people impersonating him, just like he does too, and still the rot continues. Day in day out, more and more scammers stealing his photos. Yes, true he is posting a lot but usually scenes from the bridge of the ship of sunsets, ports, bridges and such like and people actually enjoy following his journeys around the world and why not? Yes, why not indeed because as I wrote in my previous blog, people enjoy sharing their lives with others. Enjoyment does not mean a free pass for someone to steal his photos. COMMONSENSE!
Let me just mention here that no matter how many accounts we all report, Instagram (and Facebook because they are all one big greedy family) will do absolutely nothing to help you if you are victimized. Don’t believe it, ask anyone who has gone through this. They will say sweet things like: ‘thank you for reporting this account’ and such drivel that they want to protect our privacy. They don’t and face facts. All they are interested in is making money by attracting your attention and completely overwhelming you with advertisements. And you know this is true.
So, let’s just stop and have a little think about the man or woman in the mirror. They never get mentioned and they are just as much a victim as the people who fall for these scams. We all agree, scammers are the absolute pits and low life, they are specially trained to find out as much as they can about you and use it for their own gain. Either in asking for money or asking for details of your bank account (to use you as a money mule on their behalf) or to create false documents. The list is endless and being constantly updated as we all wise up (I hope) to their tactics.
When you discover you have been scammed, you are of course furious, and your first thought is maybe to lash out at the person who’s photo you have had. Don’t! Remember they are just as much the victim as you and thoroughly sick to death of it all.
Now another line of thought is that there are so many people (like you and me) posting out far too much information. If you regularly post stories about your children or photos you are literally almost handing the scammers the information on a golden plate. Take care, make sure any such images are only shared with people you know personally or family and friends. And just stop sharing so much. As cute as it is, it is just fodder for scammers! And who is to blame – you! I know it’s a hard comment, but it is true.
Go through your contacts and remove those who are just what I call ‘hanger’s on’. People within the ever-increasing circles who you don’t really know but are contacts of others. COMMONSENSE!
I can think of some people I know myself who obviously have so much free time that they can post out what they are having for breakfast, lunch and dinner and every single ‘event’ of their life, all day, and every day. You may be a fitness person but believe me constantly posting half naked photos of your amazing well-toned body is again fodder for the scammers. Posting videos where you are wearing very little, often the angle of the camera can reveal much more than you think. This is what scammers love and use to contact people and con them, big time.
Just this week, after my own experience another friend of mine was inundated by fake accounts too. My advice, report to ScamHaters please, because they will do something about it and put the information out on their site and warnings if necessary and they bring down these false accounts very efficiently. If you want to check what I am saying, go to their page, spend 15 minutes reading the posts, stories and interviews (live) with the people who are ‘fed up to the back teeth’ being scammed and by this I mean the ones who’s information has been stolen in the first place. COMMONSENSE!
Switch your social media accounts to Private. Mine was a business one linked into my own website and my books. I didn’t actually know how to, but my son helped me and this means that people just cannot follow you they have to make a request and then please, the golden rule, if you don’t know them, then DELETE. No matter what. The social media accounts of Instagram, Facebook, Telegram and WhatsApp are NOT DATING SITES. If that is your thing, go to the recognized real sites.
Anyway, enough on this subject, I think I have exhausted it now, and please remember this, it is up to you to take care, be vigilant and use your COMMONSENSE.
To finish I will just use a phrase that ScamHaters post regularly. HANGOUTS =
HANGOUTS ALL NIGERIA AND GHANA and OTHERS USE TO SCAM.
It is still their favorite. And just adding something into this blog which ScamHaters told me and it is SHOCKING. There is a list called the ‘Sucker List’. If you have ever been approached by scammers, whether you reacted or not, you have been added to this list and they keep on coming at you. Irrespective of who you are or what you are posting and these said lists are sold commercially! I was shocked by this but at the same time realized that is why I get these requests. Don’t beat yourself up about it, eventually they will get bored and go away. But in the meantime just make sure you are not taken in, no matter what. Just use your ….
WHEN YOU CANNOT CONTROL WHAT IS HAPPENING, CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO CONTROL THE WAY YOU RESPOND TO WHAT IS HAPPENING, THAT IS WHERE THE POWER IS !
Special thanks to Thomas Lindegaard Madsen and to ScamHaters United.
I am sharing this blog with you because I am in some ways an admirer of the brilliant journalist who posts on social media under the title of: ‘I see you, I f****** see you’. His or her choice of words and expressions are priceless and within moments of posting, thousands of people respond. Some of the phrases have been accepted into other journalist modules. They are sometimes, just brilliant. And the subject (person) of their words gets publicly ‘slaughtered’ on the socials. Usually sleezy politicians.
So, inspired by their work, here is some of mine to tell you about something that happened to me yesterday. I received a message from a friend via private Instagram messaging, that they had received a ‘friend request’ from someone who was posing as me, using my photos, including one of my two-year old granddaughter and obscene sexual texts and images. First reaction is shock and then ‘what the hell is all this about?’
Within minutes messages started to pour in because this fake or scammer as I will call them for a while and at the end, I will reveal their identity, had sent this request to every single one of my contacts. Now lucky for me that I do not have hundreds of followers on Instagram, and each one of them is someone I know personally. And they are loyal. I just want to pause here and say a huge thank you to each one of them, because they were alert and not only reported by blocking this creep. A deep bow of gratitude to you all.
Anyway, to continue I also received a tip from someone who works in the Dutch Marechaussee. This is a separate elite group who help the Police in protecting our airports etc. They told me that I should report this request to Europol. At first, I wondered why? But because there was a ‘minor’ in one of the images and the nature of the texts, I should, and they sent me the link. A few moments of form filling and explaining what it was all about and within minutes of sending, I got an email confirmation that my form had been received and they would investigate. This proved a very famous saying to me, that sometimes in life ‘it is not what you know, but who you know’. During the course of the day several emails back as well and believe me they have the resources to trace these creeps within seconds!
I also communicated with a well-known group ‘ScamHaters United’ because I know in the past from other peoples’ experiences that this group are highly respected and appreciated for all the things they do to shine a light on these low-lives, to warn people to be extra vigilant on the socials and yes, we have all read the horror stories of people who are taken in by it all. Very sad stories where people lose not only their hearts but also money. In a very good private chat message, I explained what had happened and they replied immediately. We talked on during the course of the day as more information came to the surface and well, you would never believe how many Instagram accounts this person is operating and using other names too. They were able to take down a lot of the accounts, but they told me that if this happens to you the most important thing before you report and block and delete is the USERNAME. If you have that write it down or keep it somewhere and this helps them and others to trace these people.
And you maybe asking yourself what about Instagram and Facebook, who are all one as we know and their endless claims about how they protect our privacy, well to be honest, they don’t. They really don’t care. The contact at ScamHaters said literally about Instagram: ‘it’s all fraudsters and perverts’. It does help in a way to report and block but remember this one thing. These creeps operate a multitude of accounts and use a lot of names and like rats they emerge all over the place when the ship is sinking and then run for their lives. That is why it is almost impossible to pin them down and report them in such a way that action is really taken by Instagram or Facebook.
We all love the socials, I know, and I use it too. We love this medium to keep in touch and share our day-to-day experiences. We like to comment and like photos, quotes, views, sunsets and so on, and generally to share our lives with people. The problem begins when the rot creeps in and attempts to destroy said lives. These people are the absolute pits and total low lives (as one of my friends called them).
So, what action have I taken personally? Well, I spent an entire morning changing passwords and such like. I went through all my contacts on Instagram and Facebook and decluttered. Not many as I said earlier: I don’t have thousands of followers, just the people I know. So, it wasn’t a major task. I archived all of my posts and put out two warning posts, speaking openly about what had happened and come on, those of you who know me well, not only are aware of the present situation in my family unit, but also know that I would never write such rubbish and definitely not use a photo of my own granddaughter. I have always been careful, out of total respect for her and her parents not to share pictures of her, outside private circles. Yes, I know I am a writer and have published several books, which are romantic fiction and of course have written words about sex, but I am not competing to write the next ’50 Shades of Grey’. Sex is a natural thing between people and nothing to be ashamed of until used in a devious or evil way. By this I mean for another person’s gain. Yes, it happens, it is part of life and people are not only totally deranged but also very stupid too.
I can only ask you if you are still reading, take the time to be extra careful in your own social media circles. If you do not have a ‘verified account’ and they are not easy to get on Instagram, go through your ‘followers’ and maybe delete or unfollow some. Within the ever-increasing social media circles, we are often followed by people we don’t actually know but who are contacts of others. You can put your account to ‘Private’, like I have done with mine, meaning that people must send you a request to follow and then I would say, make it a golden rule, only to accept if you know them. Even if they look nice, handsome, pretty or whatever, just take care because there is so much of this going on behind the scenes and I could mention at least 10 names of people I have heard of or know personally who have had their photos stolen too. And also remember 99% of all the photos are then adapted with a special app to make them even more appealing. Just think about that for a moment.
Change your passwords regularly, we all have things like Internet Banking or even ApplePay on our smartphones, so it is better to be forewarned than to have regrets. Only recently a friend of mine told a story about how she had received a request for money from her mother. On checking it was a fake but how many people are taken in by all this shit? A lot is the answer.
If in doubt, check and double check.
Personally, I found yesterday a bit of a harrowing experience, mainly from my own family members who reacted with anger and shock, which is natural of course. I have nothing to hide. I do not chatter on to people I don’t know. I don’t have the time to be honest or even the inclination.
At the end of the day and with a splitting headache, I decided to put the whole matter behind me. The past is the past, you cannot change it and only learn by it. I wanted to write this blog though to tell you all openly and honestly, that this can happen to all of us. No one is 100 percent safe and we probably all have had a similar experience or will have one.
It is unfortunately a sign of the time and our ever-increasing desire to be socially available and sharing our experiences. Vigilant is the word to remember here.
And now I will expose the person who did this to me. This is one of the accounts, ScamHaters Utd. or I came across. Looks innocent, doesn’t it? The story this man is telling is: He is a doctor, working in ER for NATO in The Sudan. His wife left him for a richer person (no surprise there) and then he put his two children into boarding school care and buggered off to work abroad, to escape from the shame. He talks to lots of people in the hope that he can persuade them, once they feel sorry for him, because he apparently tells awful stories about the traumas there too, to help him get out. To request leave for him, so that he can come and marry you (er…. No thank you very much!). It is all lies and complete and utter rubbish. Ah, he misses his children and come on if you are a parent, ask yourself this question would you have done that? Would you have left your children and put them into care? No of course not!
Enough said, only this: I fucking see you, ‘James Holden’. We all fucking see you! You are a complete an utter low life and DESPICABLE. And I think only fair to say this too, that maybe these photos have been stolen from someone else who has nothing to do with this Instagram account. And it is not the person on the photos. Just be careful, cannot say anymore than that!
PS. Since publishing it has actually been confirmed that these are indeed stolen photos from a real doctor and are used on an enormous number of sites used by scammers. Take care everyone !
It always strikes me each and every year, how we all build up to ‘national holidays’ or ‘day’s off’ like Easter for example. The way the essential shops are filled with people buying copious amounts of food. Yes, the traditional family Easter breakfast is a must for sure! The week leading up to Easter, officially known as ‘Holy Week’ was, where I live, a glorious week weather-wise. Warm, sunny spring days, being able to literally sit out in the garden and enjoy the blossom on a lot of trees and shrubs coming into bud, after the winter period. Newborn lambs skipping about on the dykes and generally the feeling that after this long lockdown, there was some hope on the horizon. And there is always hope on the horizon, even if it’s difficult to see it sometimes.
I found myself being drawn back to childhood memories of Easter. We always used to visit my grandparents who lived in Marple in Cheshire. My grandfather was a local church minister and one of the best things I remember as a child, was the huge amount of Easter Eggs I received from all his parishioners. So many I shared them all later with my class at school when we went home. The majority of our visit would be seeing family and of course attending the service at his church on Easter Sunday morning. Of Hot Cross Buns, warm from the local baker and best of all, if the weather was nice, an ice cream from the van which came at the end of the day, with the most delicious raspberry sauce ever. Strange how flavors remain so vivid in our memories.
This year, we planned a family Brunch. A little bit of deviation from the ongoing Corona rules, but there are certain circumstances, which I will not go into here, that made us all decide if we are fit and well, let’s go ahead. It was that same smell of raspberries which were on my chocolate pavlova that took me back once more to that same childhood memory.
Easter Monday was a bit of a shock weather wise, with gale force winds and snow! I mean come on its supposed to be spring, isn’t it? The words for the famous song are: ‘I am dreaming of a white Christmas’ and Easter is not included in that at all. Even though we know, April weather does what it wants, and anything goes. I was just about to pack away my winter clothes to be honest but the forecast this week is really cold weather coming down from the Artic North, so I think I will postpone for a week or maybe two!
And guess what the Easter film was on the British TV – yes you are right: The Sound of Music.
But yesterday evening I watched a documentary on Netflix called Seaspiracy. It was so shocking I almost wanted to switch off. For those of you who have seen it, I am sure you agree and for those of you who have not, I would highly recommend that you do. It is such a sad eye opener and believe me I will never be eating tuna again!
So, a new short week begins, and whilst the snowflakes are pelting down again, a moment for reflection for me. I am working on a new book and several chapters are done. It’s going to be a joint venture with a friend of mine, Scarlett de Bontin, and picking up from something, we started way back in 2017 and put to one side. But suddenly the story came back to me in a dream. A strange dream all about Rome and then the inspiration for the story line. So next morning, laptop on and making which I call the ‘backbone’ of the book. Just a basic list of begin, middle and end. And then it’s all about the ‘let go and trust’ moment that the inspiration will flow which is does some days and others not. Chapters are often not written in a sequential order; I must admit that I often write the final chapter before I have hardly done the introduction. But that is all the fun, weaving all the threads (chapters) together at the end and making it into a book. That is my plan this week, to touch base with Scarlett through a Zoom session and brainstorm our ideas and make lists of who is doing what… it is an exciting feeling.
So, hope everyone out there is doing well. At some stage I hope that this lockdown will come to an end and that normal life will begin again. It will even though it doesn’t seem that way, but I often think some days, that things happen for a reason and maybe we all needed a moment in time to stop, slow down and prioritize. Look at things that were really important in our lives, instead of the continual automatic challenge of the rat race. Being more within, being more at home, not able to rush about from ‘a to b’ and most of all having time which is something people constantly complain about not having enough of. It is challenging, and it has been challenging, but it is important to keep focused on that ray of hope that soon it will be different. Will we be different from the experience? Very probably yes. Will we think different about what our dreams really are? Our dreams and not what someone else expects of us. Freedom and not being constantly told what to do, when to do it and how to do it.
For me this week, it’s back to the ‘drawing board’ as they say and getting on with my ideas (and Scarlett’s of course) for this new book. That is my passion, writing … so on that note, have a good week everyone!
The inspiration for today’s blog actually came from actor Will Smith when I read on his post on the socials this morning: 6+3 =9 but also 5+4 =9 so, respect each other’s opinions. How true is that?
I actually feel that with this ongoing pandemic and the fact that there seems to be no opportunity to get back to a normal life anymore, has had a very deep effect on all of us, every single one of us!
I try not to listen to the news anymore because to be honest I really don’t know what to believe and what is the truth, what is fake news (and there is a lot of that flying around in the atmosphere), how the numbers are calculated and the lack of taking and making decisions, which are right for everyone. Of course, we all realize that the virus Covid-19 is a terrible virus which took the entire world into its grasp and then people spent not only a huge amount of money to make a vaccine, so that people would stop dying or becoming ill with it – but I feel at the moment as if it has driven the entire world into a state of complete madness. Let me just say for those of you who have lost family, friends or colleagues, you have my deepest sympathy. Always.
But taking for example how things are at this moment in The Netherlands, which after all is part of Europe, it seems to be that we cannot even make a decision in line with our neighboring countries anymore. It’s almost like, ‘a free for all’, with the EEC and other European agencies all making a whole big hotch-potch of everything. Curfews which at the time when they were announced and made obligatory and we were told that there was absolutely no way the times could be changed, have for some or other obscure reason been changed now, to take into account that the clocks go forward at the weekend. I seem to recall last year a decision was made not to change the clocks around anymore, but that decision seems to have gone by the wayside and not relevant anymore. Why?
The vaccination program is a complete and utter fiasco here in The Netherlands. A population of 17 million and we have just gone over the 2 million people vaccinated. The vaccine has been available for months now and we actually were the last in Europe to start. Why?
And all these questions completely ‘bog you down’ in the end. One thing I know for sure is that fear is power. So, when you put a lot of fear out in the world, you gain control and generally make people afraid. Then to such an extent that you virtually rob them of their personality. Their spontaneity. Their authenticity. Being their true selves. Why?
A lot of people around the world are offering their thoughts on this whole situation, from a worldwide re-set to a ‘culling’ of world population numbers (and that is a dreadful thought). But as people become more aware of their own divine being, it is more or less a logical thought, they will then become stronger being their own person with their own opinion. That is what I think personally, is the only way to move onto into the next step of our evolution.
Unless you have been hiding down in a cave or been blind to the changes that have taken place since a major turning point in 2012 (21.12.2012) to be exact, I cannot imagine that anyone reading this blog has not noticed the synchronicity or signs which appear almost on a daily basis. Also, part of this is the natural disasters taking place around the world too. It is a major wake-up call believe me! And what are we going to do about it, not only as the collective, but also as individuals too.
Big question and many answers.
I think and I have tried to do this for quite some time now, is to stay close to yourself and centered. I do daily meditations (sometimes during the day) but mostly just before going to sleep at night. Unwinding, clearing my mind and body from all the negativity from the day. By negativity I mean, all the things that I heard that I really did not want to. It is not ‘sticking your head in the sand’ but learning to filter what is actually important and what is said just for the sake of saying something. Big difference.
If you keep yourself true to the path you are walking and following the dream that you have for yourself, believe me many saboteurs will cross your path regularly. Either you take notice of them or not. Not: allows you to continue on your journey regardless. There is never a smooth road, bumps, cracks and obstacles all along the way, but do you allow them to influence you? Remember your choice, not someone else’s and you know what is right for you, if you listen to your inner voice.
Whilst I agree with taking care under the present circumstances, that does not mean that you have to totally lose your own self-esteem. We may be very restricted but at the same time, how long have we all complained of not having time? Learn to appreciate the smaller things in life. Is it really THAT important to go shopping, apart from the essentials? You can do virtually everything online and a lot of smart entrepreneurs have ensured that you can go to the shops by appointment and have your own little moment of space there if shopping is your thing. Definitely not mine, because I am good at the online stuff.
And then coming back to Will Smith and his words which are really quite important. Respect. Having respect for one another and being there for one another. There are many ways you can do it, if you want to. And that is then the question: do you want to?
Relationships with everyone are under strain at the moment. Mainly because people have had their ‘freedom’ taken away, but do you give up and give in. No!
Some friendships are really put to the test but saying ‘sorry’ is just as easy and remaining cross does absolutely nothing for you apart from filling you up with negativity.
Maybe the key word at the moment is RESPECT. I think so, do you?
It is time to move on from the ‘I’ to the ‘We’.
Don’t forget to change your clock tonight, into summertime (Northern Hemisphere) and autumn for the Southern.
FUN! It really is. I remember hearing other people talk about their grandchildren and often thinking that there was nothing else they could talk about (sorry too judgmental for words) but I am now the same. Since the arrival of my granddaughter, Reign Aurora on 19th February 2019 (and wow what a lovely number combination too 19-2-19), I have definitely joined the club and it is so different from when I became a parent myself.
I had a little think about why this is. What is the difference? Well first of all I think responsibility. Becoming a parent changes your life completely and you become responsible for a small baby and you want to do the very best you can, protect them all the time and give them the very best of everything, often putting yourself totally in second place. Do you agree? (Well, those of you who are parents too).
But being a grandparent is different. First of all, the idea that your baby, now grown up is becoming a parent too. So, you have a lot to share about things before the baby is actually born, but the moment they arrive you no longer have that same huge feeling of responsibility. You are intensely proud of your own child and their offspring so, that is not the main issue.
One of my friends described ‘grandparenting’ very well and that is: you can have so much fun with them all and every day and do all sorts of exciting different things but at the end of said day, you hand them back to the parents and then collapse into a chair for a snooze after a busy, non-stop day. Is that true? How many people can relate to that?
Well with the arrival of Reign, I decided that one of the things I would do was to talk to her in English. At the age of 2, she is totally fluent and can switch from Dutch to English. It is quite amazing! When she is here, we do fun things like drawing. She loves it and I have to attempt to draw the things she asks me to, like the cat, a windmill, a butterfly and the latest is a frog. For weeks she has been telling me that when it’s her birthday she will be 4! (no not two but four) and to be honest you would almost believe it. She is jolly smart. But I think children of today are.
This week I was teaching her to count in English up to 5 and she got it straightaway. And then the magic. She is two! Happy Birthday!
Another thing she loves is building towers of bricks and we do it brick by brick until it starts to tumble and she then says: ‘oh no!’ and laughs. Begin again and repeat until she loses interest.
Top favorite is a magical castle which belongs to Princess Penny and her friends. All of whom say little sentences, which she has no trouble whatsoever copying. Everything is ‘so exciting’, and she knows exactly which little, tiny switch activates the battery to make them talk. Now only Princess Penny herself is permitted to ride the magic unicorn, which then makes several tottering steps forward. This is a whole set by Vtech called: ‘Happy Friends’.
Her big present for her birthday has been a bike. And she was thrilled. Not a bike with pedals, but a sort of bike that you walk with, sitting on the saddle. I cannot for the life of me think of the proper name, but its great if you are out, she can ride along but is not afraid to fall, because her feet are on the ground all the time. She is walking on the bike! Sounds a bit weird but it’s true.
Later today, (and would you believe it was a week ago now as I publish this blog), we are going for cake to see her bunting and balloons, all of which she had already told me on Facetime are lovely. My present is a butterfly made like a puzzle out of special wood. Grimm’s, a Germany based company make lovely things for the children of today to entice them to make other shapes with the pieces. It will fit in nicely with something else she has a sort of tower or tunnel from the same toy maker.
Her favorite book is about a caterpillar who munched his way through an enormous amount of food and then morphed into a cocoon, eventually flying out to become the most beautiful butterfly. I have loads in my garden which she sees in the summer.
I can conclude being a grandparent is just full-on fun. Seeing them grow up and become their own little person, with all their cute and sometimes exasperating characteristics. Reign has a definite will of her own and if she does not want to do something, believe me she does not! Her favorite words are : ‘mine’ and ‘no’ which is typical for what is often referred to as the ‘terrible two’s’ but I cannot agree. Two is such a charming time, where they change every time you see them. Just that little bit further forward with a new word, which then becomes a sentence and she already has her own favorite little boyfriend at daycare. So sweet.
For those of you who are reading this and are a grandparent too, then you will be able to relate to what I am saying. One of the lovely stories about her is that she goes every Thursday with her Dad to the dairy farm to collect eggs, milk and cheese. The young calves outside are fascinating and she was so pleased to see them. We have a spontaneous video of her waving and saying – ‘hayyo (hello) koeien’ (cows in Dutch) and the saying to her Dad ‘mooi he?’ which means ‘nice aren’t they?’
And that is exactly what I mean, full-on fun each and every day. So, finishing off now as she is about to arrive and no doubt, we will be playing in the garden on this lovely Spring afternoon. An added bonus in February. Our star child !
Planets often go ‘retrograde’ in a calendar year and several times, but when they do, people feel the energy intensely. Astrologists talk about it in their posts and such like. So why all the fuss?
As Planet Mercury, often known as the ‘trickster planet’ has now started to move forwards again (February 21st, 2021) you can really feel the re-set or refresh in the energy. So, what does it all mean?
Even if you know very little about astrology in general, you will often see on the socials that all astrologists tell us avidly that Mercury is going retrograde. This, out of all the aspects of every planet, seems to attract the most attention.
And it is all about the effects, because everyone feels it whether they think they do or not. If you begin to pay attention to events in your own life, when a retrograde is underway, even take note of them and even more important the changes that occur. In other words, your productivity seems to increase and often you encounter more frustrations that usual. Why?
First of all there are three Mercury retrogrades in 2021 and there is something else which is interesting. The first on 30th January was in air sign Aquarius. The second May 29th in air sign Gemini and the third one op 27th September in air sign Libra. So, you could maybe conclude the ‘winds of change’ are blowing. Three times this year in three air signs. Interesting!
But does Mercury really move backwards? In fact it doesn’t. If you are a stargazer, you will see that is appears to move backwards (retrograde), like ancient astrologers perceived thousands of years ago. And usually, they saw after a period of about 3.5 weeks, it seemed to reverse itself and go forwards again.
Mercury is the closest planet to the sun and therefore its orbit around same is much shorter than earth’s. In these so called ‘retrograde periods’ it actually speeds past the earth and that is why it’s called a ‘retrograde period’ and how we experience it.
For example: if you were traveling in a car and it passed you, you would be able to tell that it is moving faster. But then if it slowed down and you passed it, it would then appear that the car is actually going backward. When it overtakes you and goes faster again, it kicks up the dust on the road. So in the same way, when Mercury speeds past, like a High Speed Train, it creates a turbulent gust of wind. This same turbulence and disruption that Mercury makes can effect what we feel on earth in our everyday lives.
In astrology there is a firm belief: ‘as above, so below’. By this they mean that there is a fractal relationship between the orbits. In other words between the heavens and human activity down here on earth. This idea is important in astrology and probably a very good one to keep in mind.
And this year all the Mercury retrogrades are in air signs. Enough said!
The planet Mercury is the ruler of COMMUNICATION. This includes: listening, speaking, learning, reading, editing, researching, negotiating, selling and buying. It also rules all formal contracts and agreements as well as things like book manuscripts, examination papers, agreements, deeds, contracts, leases, testaments and so on. Legal binding documents in other words (and now I know why I decided to write this blog today of all days when the dust has settled!)
In Mercury’s domain are codes, including computer codes, transportation, shipping and travel. During retrogrades said areas get scrambled and spin out of control. A logistic nightmare. So why does this happen?
When in retrograde, the planet is astrologically speaking in a ‘rest or sleeping’ stage. So while Mercury takes a nap, the activities that it governs don’t have the benefit then of a well-functioning, wide awake planet to supervise. So, expect a certain degree of pandemonium will occur.
Good advice is not to make any important moves or decisions when Mercury is retrograde. Nothing will be settled successfully for the future in these periods and you may even find it impossible to create a good plan and to actually effect it either. During the retrograde period, it is also hard to get decisions from others and even when a decision is made, it will often be changed, just at the moment that Mercury makes its turn.
Summarizing, Mercury retrogrades are not good times to do anything involving communication. Not a good time either to sign contracts or ‘shake hands’ on a new agreement. A house sale or signing a lease, better to wait. Remember too that verbal agreements can often be just as binding as written ones. Because the environment is fluid and changeable, irrespective of what you are told or think.
And doesn’t this all make a lot of sense when you think what is actually happening in the world right now, in the first retrograde of 2021 which ended yesterday (21.2.21) And look at the numbers too.
The thing is during these retrogrades no one can or wants to predict what situations will be like later. This applies in the all the areas mentioned above which are connected to the one simple word – COMMUNICATION !!
Other planets that retrograde are Mars and Venus, but we will talk about them another time!
Finally coming back to the situation worldwide, the pandemic, do you feel like me that communication seemed (or even still seems) to have gone haywire. What is true and what is not? So many conflicting ideas and thoughts. My advice, stay close to yourself, use your common sense and don’t take risks. Take action when the heavens become more peaceful.
Don’t you think, like me, that it’s a bit passé that we only celebrate love one day a year and are filled with romantic feelings. Wouldn’t it be better if we celebrated love 365 days a year? All the time and with everyone.
This morning opening the socials which are filled with ‘cozy photos’ some of which I ask myself why some people think that every photo they make they have to have their tongue hanging out, as if they are ‘gagging’ for more. Especially more mature people, it’s pathetic really. If you want to take a photo with your partner, make a nice smiley one! At least!
But that is not the purpose of my blog really, it is more about how many people really know, where the tradition of St. Valentine’s Day came from? So, let’s do a little bit of research:
Well, as we all know the feast of Saint Valentine is celebrated today, 14th February. It originated from an early Christian feast honoring two martyrs named St. Valentine and then became associated in different cultures and religions as being connected with romance, romantic love and such like.
The said martyrs, including a man from Rome who ministered the Christian religion to followers in the 3rd century and was persecuted under the then Roman Empire for doing this. Very romantic, I think not.
But there is more. This Valentine is said to have restored the sight of the blind daughter of his jailer. So why he was persecuted no one really knows, apart from the general persecution of heretics. But numerous legends that followed were then related to the theme of love. The story says that he wrote a letter to the jailer’s daughter and signed it off as ‘your Valentine’, a sort of farewell note if you like, before he was executed. Another story says that Valentine performed marriage ceremonies for Christian soldiers who had been forbidden to marry. Why I don’t know?
In AD 496 Pope Gelasius 1st ordered that the 14th February was a day of celebration for St. Valentine of Rome who has been put to death in AD 296. The day was then associated in the 14th and 15th century with romantic love. It was in the 18th century in England (of course) when it grew into an occasion when couples expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, confectionery and sending cards which became known of course, as Valentine’s cards. The symbols used today are heart shaped, the handwritten letters have now become commercial greetings cards. Given to lovers to unlock the giver’s heart and to children to ward of epilepsy, which is also known as St. Valentine’s malady.
It is not a public holiday in any country, but an official feast day in the Anglian and Lutheran Church. Many Eastern Orthodox churches celebrate on June 6th in honor of a Roman presbyter St. Valentine. Not sure if this relates to the early martyr Valentine way back at the beginning of AD.
It seems that in fact many martyrs were given the name Valentine, but there is no research to say why? The remains of the first Valentine (as we shall call him) are actually buried in the Via Flaminia. Relics kept at the Church and Catacombs of St. Valentino in Rome, which made this an important pilgrimage site in the Middle Ages, until the remains were actually transferred to the church of Santa Prassede during the rule of Pope Nicholas IV. The flower crowned skull is exhibited in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome.
So, the original Valentine certainly moved around a bit after his death!
Nowadays Valentine’s Day has of course become a consumer driven holiday. Enormous amounts are spent worldwide (more than USD 27.4 billion in the USA alone in 2020 and AUD 568 million in Australia !!!) on gifts and gestures to celebrate love. And have become in this way, far removed from the original idea of giving a gift to the person or person’s that you love. As I began, shout-outs on social media seem to have replaced a lot, crass photos declaring love are in my opinion virtually meaningless. Done only for show. The emphasis should be put more on maybe, if you want to give something, to something less expensive. A special meal, watching romantic movie at home, flowers seem to be a good alternative. A suggestion on internet was to make Red Velvet Cookies for your loved one. So get baking everyone!
But to come back to where I started, why do we only have one day a year when love is the topic? Why not every day? Isn’t it more important to show love to others, in the form of respect, courtesy and such like every single day? Being emphatic, rather than sympathetic. Being understanding instead of getting irritated.
At this particular moment in time, 14th February 2021, I think I could generalize and say every single person I have encountered this month so far has been someone with a very short fuse. One tiny little thing has to occur, and then they explode about things that are absolutely irrelevant. Is this because we are all in lockdown and restricted so much. Probably.
Why don’t we all think about this and make today and every single day, a day of love. A small gesture is enough like saying ‘Good Morning’, people don’t bother anymore. Smiling at someone, people have stopped doing that and instead of moaning constantly, be grateful for the small things in life. The fact that you can spend time with your loved ones, even under the present difficult circumstances. A Facetime or video call is just as effective as popping in to say ‘hello’.
This is what the entire world needs – love. Remember the famous words of the Beatles song. “Love is all you Need”. Agree? Maybe today is the right moment to remind yourself that the most important thing is just that – LOVE.
For days, the air had been heavy, grey and hardly any wind. As if the sky was crumbling down on top of everything and everyone. Ginny had had a headache for several days. One of those pressure headaches, which really wasn’t a headache, just a feeling that someone was pushing down on the top of her head.
That morning she was up later than usual. The dark, grey mornings were not at all inspiring to leave the warmth of her bed. As she opened the blinds, there was an unusual stillness in the air. The sheep were standing still in the fields, not making one single sound. No birdsong. If they were sensible too, they would still be in their warm nests hidden deeply in the conifer trees. Oppressive, or heavy, that was the word, Ginny thought.
Coming downstairs she lit the log fire and soon the flames were spreading warmth into the room. Put the kettle on, deciding to have breakfast first before she ventured out into the cold to walk her dog. He was still fast asleep on the couch, in a deep dream.
Showering quickly and putting on some warm clothes, Ginny pulled on her fur lined boots and both of them went out into the cold. And boy was it cold! It took your breath away. As Ginny looked up to the sky, the first delicate snowflakes began to fall. She had heard on the weather report that a cold front was coming towards the country where she lived, across the plains of Eastern Europe, bringing the icy temperatures from Russia. Wind was forecast for later that day, but just for now, it was just as if the world was in a state of pause. Very little sounds and very little movement.
By the time she was back indoors, the first flakes of snow began to swirl in the breeze. Her headache was suddenly gone, now that the pressure in the air had cleared. For the rest of the day, it snowed heavily, about 30 centimeters deep. Ginny ventured out and cleared a pathway with her snow shovel. She had to go out later with her dog, but within moments of clearing it and seeing the pavement stones, it was white again. She decided to take her second walk before it got too deep.
Her dog loved the snow and would run about in it. She threw balls of snow for him to catch. It was amusing to see they just disappeared and the way he looked for them. Normally people would think he was a white dog, but in the brilliance of the snow, he looked decidedly cream in color. He would sniff into the snow with his nose, almost blowing it into the air and then try to catch it. The wind was picking up and it felt much colder than earlier. Thank goodness she had had the sense to stock up on supplies, if it was going to get worse and she would not be able to drive. Ginny had never liked driving in slippery conditions and it didn’t take long before car tyres made a bed of impacted snow on the roads.
Where she lived it was pretty remote, and often the ‘gritters’ would be the last place they came to. Usually, the neighbors rallied round and cleared it together, but with the wind chill factor of nearly minus 15oC, no one was out.
Putting more logs into the fire, Ginny re-filled the basket and put some soup on the cooker for lunch. Her dog was tired from the walk and was lazing on the couch once more. After lunch she put on her computer and opened her email. Smiling, she found one from her friend.
On the other side of the globe, there was a heatwave underway. Temperatures soaring up in the 30 degrees C. He had had a very busy week and a tough time schedule, but he always found time to write an email to Ginny to ask how she was, what was going on etc.
Their meeting had been one which no one would ever have imagined. A brief encounter, online, had led to a deep friendship. They had in fact never even met face to face, (well only on Zoom connections) but he was well-known and the mere mention of his name, was enough. Over the months they had shared a lot with one another and neither of them could imagine that things would have gone so far. But they had. In Ginny, he had found someone to share his deepest thoughts and opinions and she never ever made any judgement. She seemed totally distanced from both his fame and fortune. The strange thing was that she was a star sign Leo like him and usually he would clash with other Leo’s, but not with her. And that puzzled him a lot, but he loved her natural way, her intellect, her intelligence. Over the months he had come to rely on her a lot for her opinions and thoughts, even things that were work related and way beyond her control. But she fascinated him. Yes, that was the word, fascination. He had never met anyone who was not immediately in awe of his name, or his profession. Ginny seemed totally oblivious to it all and maybe that was the attraction. She wanted to just be his friend without obligations.
Ginny found herself laughing at some of his stories in his email. He gave her a sort of day-by- day account of his week and he had a huge sense of humor for sure. It was a little routine they had started several months ago, a weekly email, to keep in touch. Any plans to meet physically had been fraughted by the viral pandemic, which held the entire world in its grip. So many rules, restrictions and even worse so many people had been affected by it. And everyone had had enough, no matter where they were situated in the world.
Certainly, Ginny had. Often, she felt as if all her spontaneity had been removed. It wasn’t possible to do anything with a whim. A sudden feeling that she wanted to go to the beach and have lunch there. Virtually everything was shut and had been for weeks. True she could go to the beach and walk along the sands, but in wintertime it was different somehow.
Over the next few weeks, winter held the majority of Europe in its icy grip. The snow fell and the layers of snow became thicker and more slippery every day. Despite the snow ploughs which regularly went by, the roads were a complete disaster and virtually no one with any sense ventured out in their cars. Night temperatures went down to minus twenty and the bitter easterly winds kept blowing. She had not been able to open some of the windows for several days, they were stuck with the ice. Snow that melted during the day with the warmth from the heating in the house and then froze again at night. Despite all the complications there was a sort of serenity in the air, peaceful and calm and the woodland close by looked magical with the bare branches covered by a layer of now frozen snow.
And as cold as it was in the north, as warm it was in the south. It seemed totally surreal that bush fires were raging in some parts of the world, the heat, the dryness and sudden winds causing a lot of problems.
Weeks turned into a couple of months and suddenly Spring was here. Ginny’s favorite time of the year when everything began to grow again, tender green new leaves opening on bare branches. The daffodils and tulips created colorful carpets in the fields close by and all memories of the chill were gone. They had kept up their weekly emails.
One sunny morning as Ginny was working in the garden, she suddenly had a feeling that something was going to happen. Not so much a feeling of foreboding, more of something pleasant. Putting down her secateurs and taking off her gloves, she came back into the house to pick up her phone, which was ringing. She saw the name on the screen.
‘Hi, how are you?’ he asked.
‘Absolutely fine’ Ginny replied, ‘out in the garden working’.
‘So busy then’, he said.
‘Well, yes sort of, just enjoying a lovely spring morning to get some work started’, she replied.
‘Got anyone to help you?’ he asked.
‘No, only me, but I enjoy it’.
‘How are you?’ she asked.
‘Well quite tired at the end of a long busy schedule and really glad to have a break now’.
Ginny heard the sound of the bell on her gate which meant she might have to end the phone call, irritating, as they had not actually spoken for a while and hoping that whoever it was would see she was busy and leave.
Then the bell rang at the door and Ginny hurried into the hall, still holding her phone in her hand. A tall person was at the door. She did not recognize the shape or the shadow, thinking it might be a post-delivery or something like that. Opening it, she could not believe her eyes. He was there! Face to face. Smiling his broad smile and looking down at his own phone, they both started to laugh. And laugh until they thought they would never stop.
‘Surprise! Did you expect me?’
‘Wasn’t sure if I could get here this fast, but you know, pulled some strings and well, here I am’.
‘Come in’, Ginny said realizing that he was still standing on the doorstep.
As he stepped in, she took his arm. Quite boldly in fact and then suddenly his arms were around her, holding her tight.
A long embrace, which felt so right and so good.
Eventually they let go and both stepped back.
‘Can you stay?’ she asked.
‘Of course, if it’s alright with you?’
Alright? It’s perfect, I am just totally and utterly flabbergasted that’s all’, she said.
‘Well, me too actually. I thought on the way here that maybe it wouldn’t be convenient, or that you might be out or even worse away. Never thought to tell you or even ask if it was ok, which was a bit presumptuous’.
‘Of course not’ she replied. ‘Actually, I am so thrilled to see you in person, after such a long time, so many emails and so many Zooms. I almost feel that I need to pinch myself if this is for real.’
‘It is for real and something that I have been waiting for such a long time’.
‘Me too’ she said.
She asked if he would like a coffee and then carrying two large cups of frothy coffee out into the garden, she put them down on the table. He took her into his arms once more and kissed her tenderly.
Over the past couple of weeks, my website seems to have gone ‘viral’ and I have received literally hundreds of emails with comments. I have tried to read them all, replied to those who asked questions and thanked those who wanted to share in their own social circles.
I asked myself why? Suddenly, there was such a huge amount of interest, as I have been writing blogs for a long time and although this has happened before, a large surge of people noticing and reading, there was something this time around, which prompted me to write this blog. It seems to be ‘an issue’ that a lot of people are thinking about.
Is it because we have all had time to reflect or that we are so restricted in our movements at the moment? This could be the case, as more time, offers more moments to reflect. Not only about current affairs, but affairs that are more personal and closer to you.
An underlying theme was that people (and a lot of them) seemed to have maybe forgotten to trust their intuition and follow the heart. If there is one thing that is certain is that your heart will always speak the truth. Your truth and always have your best interests at heart too. It’s like an inner compass, guiding you and sometimes warning you, if you have strayed off your path or gone against your core values. Even if you are raising your eyebrows reading this and thinking yes, sure… please read on because this theme is happening a lot at the moment and it is a good time, while you still have time, to reflect and maybe make adjustments.
What, for example, if you are in situation which you know deep inside, means that you are continually swimming against the current. Every single thing you do, becomes a burden as opposed to a task. It is true to say that things that happen to us in our life are a lesson and form part of the learning curve, but when you are perhaps feeling lost, or swamped down in a situation that is not right for you, it’s often hard to see ‘the wood for the trees’, so to speak.
Have you ever given in-depth thought to consequences? Things that happen in your life that feel as if almost a miracle has happened. Just by chance, without any reason. Maybe in the form of ‘deja’vu’ or the feeling that you have been somewhere before, encountered the same thing before? These are all examples of coincidences that may cross our paths. Great minds in the past have said that: ‘coincidences do not really exist’. That in fact that everything that occurs, happens for a reason.
So, I ask the question again: what if you are in a situation that you know is not right for you? And what do you do about it? What if every single cell in your body is reacting and trying to send you messages to re-think, make another choice, actually change things, speak out your own truth. Do you ignore or not?
Ignoring is actually postponing because you can be really sure that if you ignore, it will come across your path again and probably again, until you listen to that inner voice. I know for those of you who are not so spiritually inclined that often words like this are difficult to interpret, but you should listen because after all who’s interests do they really have at heart. Yours!
If you go to bed at night and have trouble sleeping because you are mulling a thought around and around in your head and wake up the next morning and that same thought comes up again. Then the message is pretty clear. It is time to make a change. No matter how hard and difficult. Sometimes you have to make the choice to change something to not only turn the energy around, but also to walk away. No matter how hard it seems at the time, because one thing for sure is that when you look back, you will ask yourself: ‘why didn’t I take this decision earlier?’ That is why it’s really postponing the inevitable.
I could write a huge, long list of examples and subject matter. But you know really if you are reading this blog. It happens to each and every one of us. No matter how much we try to avoid or how much we think we are living the perfect life, no road is ever smooth, there will always be bumps and bends. It is called life!
I often find that suddenly I get inundated with advice from all corners, often in astrology which is something I really enjoy and I read often. I am not talking here about a general astrology comment in the newspapers, more about specific advice you receive from professionals. You may or may not believe it, but personally I think that astrology is one of the things in life that tells you so much. After all it is related to the moment you arrived on this planet, almost a photo record of your birth moment (this is the form of your personal natal chart) and like a thumbprint, this is personal and no one else’s is the same. It is an actual screenshot if you like, of your arrival, where the planets and stars were positioned at exactly that moment.
A lot of people pull ‘cards’ on a daily basis for inspiration and such cards are very plentiful, there are so many decks. Others have a book that they open randomly for a daily inspiration, others listen to apps and such like on their smartphones, like Calm, or meditations. In these difficult and trying times, it brings comfort.
But it is also important, as you have much more time for reflection, which is certainly the case at the moment and that you use this time to reflect more. If you feel that you have got yourself into a situation that no longer works for you, then find the courage and make a change. The same applies to your borders too, so far but no further. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by others. Remember what I wrote at the beginning of this blog: listen to your own heart and follow your own truth. No matter what.
It is important and if you don’t that you will find yourself being diverted, going around in ever increasing circles and end up not being true to yourself. Making a choice for change is courageous, not easy, but try and find that little extra to speak out and make said choice. This applies to friendships, relationships, people who are in your life and maybe you prefer that they were not, contacts (especially social contacts). Recently, someone gave me a very good tip about ‘having a clear out’ in your social contacts. Go through your phone contacts for example, and anyone who you are doubtful about, edit their name by adding ZZZ in front of it and then they go down to the end of the list. Re-appraise a month later, if you think, delete, then just get on with it and do it. Same for Facebook and Instagram. These social media circles are becoming less safe as conglomerates like Facebook (and Instagram is owned by them too) sell off your information to third parties. If you don’t believe me, check for example your Facebook history, they can even see when you log into your internet banking. Delete the history and tick on the app, which means that you no longer allow them access. Just have a look!
But I diversify…
Coming back to the theme of this blog, listening to that little voice inside telling or advising you is important. Because it has your very best interests and only your interests at heart. No one else’s. Your heart beats with your own rhythm, no one else’s so that is why you should trust it. Without a heart there is no life. When the heart stops, life ends. Simple. Your stem from the heart is talking to you with every beat. Adding to the signs and synchronicities that cross your path and guiding you to make and take the right decisions, even the ones you are afraid to take. Like ending a relationship, ending a contact, deleting someone who no longer is in your life. Decluttering and making space.
I am sure that every single one of you who has read so far, will know in some or other way what I am talking about. This is going around in endless circles and not progressing. Be ruthless, if it doesn’t feel right, make a change no matter what. It may be painful at first but in the end you will be glad you did (and have pride that you had the courage to do it).
It is a bit like decluttering your wardrobe, becoming irritated every time you needed to put in another hanger and having to make space, because it’s overfull. Make a golden rule, I did it recently. If I had not worn it last year, it was bagged or binned. And then the pleasure as you can now put your clothes into the space without having it all immediately creased and ruffled up. You have a proper overview of what you have, what you might need (because we all love an excuse to buy something new don’t, we?). It’s a tedious job, but once done so worthwhile. I actually color coordinated my clothes too and that looks really good.
Try this in other aspects of your life. And if in doubt open your eyes and ears to your intuition and your inner voice. It knows best